Weasley Letters
by Collaborawesome
Summary: The Next Generation told through letters, life, love, laughter, stalking and a whole lot of What Would Hugo Weasley Do?
1. Interfering, because we love you

**Author's Note-Welcome to Weasley Letters **

This is a collab between Libby (twin 1) and Jane (twin 2) to give them an excuse to spend time/money/energy talking to one another through all forms of communication - without it being weird. Because we have jobs, imaginary pets to feed and not to mention a ton of studying to do - we decided to add to the pressure by creating an elaborate story, enjoy please review/follow/favourite, we will love you forever. Thank you!

* * *

**Chapter One – Interfering...because we love you.**

* * *

Leigh,

I don't get it, just tell me what I've done, I'll fix it.

I love you,

James

* * *

James,

You have done anything wrong; I just need some time to think. Don't push me, I don't want to fight.

I love you too,

Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

I'm trying to be patient, but let's face it, the only way I'm going to get you to stay with me, is if I tie you to my bed and...

THIS LETTER HAS BEEN INTERRUPTED FOR A MASTURBATION BREAK

...

LETTER RESUMED

I'm going to go with the tying you to the bed idea, it's fun and well Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing.

Just kidding, write to me when you want to, for example tomorrow.

Love you,

James.

P.S. I'm really missing you.

* * *

James,

Your letter made me laugh; you don't need to tie me to your bed. But can I ask for a little more space, your owl nearly pecked me to death waiting for me to reply.

I love you and I miss you, but I just need to think about something.

Leigh.

XX

* * *

Dear Lily,

I know you have a very busy schedule this year, and I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important, but I'm very worried about Leigh and your brother.

Maybe you could have a little chat with her? Just to make sure everything is okay?

Love,  
Your very concerned mother.

* * *

Dear Mum,

I have my own life, I'm not going to do your busy-bodying for you... Who am I kidding? Tell me everything you know!

Love,  
Your incredibly curious daughter.

* * *

Dear James,

What's going on with you and Leigh? Mum's concerned, so that means it must be bad? Did you do something stupid? You do realise she is too good for you right?

Don't be a prick,  
Lily

P.S. I'm just going to go ask Leigh

* * *

Dear Lily,

Leave it alone. I don't think I've done anything wrong - but who the fuck knows, you women are Siriusly confusing.

Don't be ugly - oh you can't help it,  
James.

P.S. If she dumps me, I'm blaming you.

* * *

Dear Mum,

I asked Leigh and she said that she was sure everything would be fine, but she looked worried. Then I tried to talk to James, and he was an idiot.

Why couldn't I have sisters? I'm blaming you for that.

Love,  
Lily

P.S. Everyone knows I'm way more attractive than James, right?

* * *

Dear James,

I was disappointed at your performance at the match today. I understand that you won against the Tornados, but I think it was one of the worst matches I've seen you play professionally.

I'm going to give you some advice - I shouldn't have written that, this piece of paper is probably already screwed up and placed in the bin.

I'm not telling you this to upset you, and don't think I'm not proud of you. I am so proud of you and all you have achieved - I say this because I care, and I know that you are having a rough time with Leigh, but I know you can play better. Don't throw your life, your career, your relationship away on all you are feeling at this moment.

The times of trouble in your life, are when you should be the best that you can be. Don't run from your problems, face them and at the match next month - I hope you will be back to your best son.

Remember, your Mother and I are here for you. If you need to talk to anyone, ask your mother or Lily.

Your Father,  
Harry Potter.

* * *

Dear Jamie,

I hope everything is okay, your game today seemed a little off, your Father and I are worried about you. I know you and Leigh are having a rough patch, but I'm sure everything will be okay; you are perfect for each other.

If you want to talk, I'm always here to listen, and I'd appreciate it if you let us know what was going on.

Love,  
Mum

* * *

Hey Leigh-a-Leigh,

Isn't it totally wyrd to see Teddy teaching DADA?

Do you remember when he got drunk at Harry's birthday party and came back with lipstick all over him? Then refused to tell us who the girl was!

I still want to know.

Maybe I should use the pics I have of that night to blackmail him into telling me...

Holly-e-Holly

* * *

Holl-Holl

I know right, so strange. Seeing as we are always passing notes instead of taking notes maybe we should use the photos to blackmail for good grades.

Lei-lei.

* * *

L,

Defo.

You okay? You look kind of green.

H.

* * *

Holly.

I don't feel great, but I'm thinking that's a side effect.

You know that thing that I did, well that James and I have been doing for a while now. That thing, that under no circumstances will we tell my dad about?

Leigh.

* * *

Lei,

...Are we talking about sex?

Or that time that you knocked over that really rare cactus of your dad's. Prof. Neville was mad. Good job we blamed Fred and James.

Hol.

* * *

Holly!

I'm talking about sex. I think I'm tnangerp.

Leigh.

* * *

L,

What in Godric's name does that say?

H.

* * *

H.

Read it backwards.

L.

* * *

Leigh.

OH MY FUCKING MERLIN!

Not enough exclamation marks in the world.

Holly.

P.S. Why'd you write it drawkcab?

* * *

Holllllly,

I know, I know. Oh Merlin, I feel ill. What am I going to do?

Leiiiiigh.

P.S. I can't bring myself to say it aloud, let alone write it down, so that was the best I can do.

* * *

Lei-lei-Leigh.

Don't freak out me. We don't know for sure, but I know a spell. So I'm going to get us out of class, and we'll do it, it'll be better this way no one around in the dorm.

Just hang on a sec.

Hol-hol-Holly.

* * *

Leigh sweetie,

It's been three lessons and a lunch since you've said anything.

I mean I did hear you mutter something about being 'a slutty stupid whore' when you were stabbing that sandwich with a spoon.

Which you are not. These things happen. James will be there for you, and so will I and so will the hunk of the sex god, that is my Boyf.

Love and a hug (it can be figurative - because you look pretty mad).

Holly.

* * *

Holly Regaville.

Maybe when I was stabbing my sandwich I was thinking about the person (by which I mean you) who told the whole of our DADA class, including Teddy, that we both had menstrual cramps and had to leave.

So now everyone thinks I'm on my period.

Is it your occupation as my supposed best friend, to always humiliate me?

L. Longbottom.

* * *

Look Ms. Longbottom,

I get that you have mood swings and you're going to be a crabby bitch from now on.

So I'm going to let that last letter slide, but i'm being here for you, James and the baby whether you want it or not, so tough luck.

Also, I think that everyone thinking you're on your period, is better than everyone knowing you're not.

Unless, you want to share the information we found out this morning with the class?

Don't be a bitch,  
Future Mrs. F. Weasley.

* * *

Dear Future Mrs. F. Weasley,

Sorry for being a cow/bitch/slutty whore.

(tear drop)

I need you as my bestie, I've no idea how anyone is going to react, and I know for a fact, none of them will be as great as you've been.

Love and a proper hug,  
Future Mrs. J. Potter (If he doesn't dump me, when I get super fat).

* * *

Daddy,

I know you are covering lessons this afternoon, but I need to talk to you or mum.

(a tear drop)

Leigh

* * *

Lily, Rose,

I just saw Leigh disappear behind the stone gargoyle, she looked really upset what do you figure James has done?

Albus.

Albus,

We don't know, but we will find out.

Rose and Lily

* * *

R and L,

I feel like I have just done something terrible.

Al,

P.S. Is it necessary for you to follow Uncle Neville everywhere?

* * *

Hannah,

You have to come quick. I tried flooing you, but you weren't there. Leigh is crying on my floor, what's wrong with her? I hugged her for a really long time, and tried to tell her stories about Princes and Princesses but she didn't stop crying. I don't know why, it worked when she was six.

She's fallen asleep now, so I've put her in my bed, could you tell me what to do? Or even better you could come and stop her crying - she's so sad, it always makes me feel like a terrible parent.

Help, would be appreciated - you know how to parent properly; I just keep her away from the plants that will kill her.

Love Neville.

P.S. I'm trusting this with Mango, for a Phoenix she hasn't quite got the instant message transporting thing down, maybe it's because of her ridiculous name.

* * *

Neville,

Mango did fine, (leave her alone - and mango is a better name than four year old Leigh's other suggestions, at least we can pronounce this one.) Honey, you just have to hold her, be there for her that's how you are a good parent, you've always been there for all of us. She needs her Daddy.

I'm not sure what's wrong with her, but I'm guessing it's to do with James, Ginny said his last game was terrible. So, happy couple stories may not be an ideal conversation topic.

I'm on my way,  
Hannah.  
Xxxxx

* * *

Dear James,

I know nothing about your life! Will you please tell this to all the women in our family. They keep on asking me what's wrong with you and stuff about your feelings.

I have already supplied answers:

1. Too many bludgers to the back of the head

2. Hungry.

Fred.

P.S. Where is the antidote for the Hallowe'en set we did? Roxie's gone kinda see-through.

* * *

Lily and Al,

Just got a note from Neville, it says Leigh has gone home for the weekend and not to worry. He also asked us to stop stalking him, and sending him repetitive notes about Leigh.

I said we would try to contain our need for information.

I did ask anything about James- Neville looked sort of phased.

Rose.


	2. A Professor's Life

**A/N-Weasley Letters Chapter Two**

**Thank-you to all who have read, and to sjt1988 who followed this story. We would appreciate any comments, suggestions or questions you have so feel free to review/pm us. The first couple of chapters are really setting the story up so look forward to reading on.**

* * *

Dear Teddy,

I'm so proud of you. Teaching at Hogwarts, just like your Father, he was an excellent teacher and I'm sure you will be too.

Keep an eye on the kids for us, I sometimes wonder if Neville is a bit lax on reporting on every detention they have, probably wants to save on parchment - or is sick of Howlers at breakfast!

If you ever need Harry or I we are just a letter away.

Ginny. Xx

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin,

Hi Teddy!  
It's so cool you're teaching here now. Do you like it? It's totally awesome. I really enjoyed our lessons on vampires thanks for not giving us homework! Anyway I was wondering if you had Lorcan Scamander in any of your classes today? I just need to get something back to him.

Lots of love,  
(Oops, probably shouldn't end letters like that any more)  
Sincerely,  
Lucy.

* * *

Lucy,

I only teach first years and second years today. Plus I'm not meant to divulge students timetables so I can't really tell you. What is it? Why do you have something of his anyway?

Your New Prof.  
Ted.

* * *

Professor Teddy,

Oh no reason, I just found it.  
Thanks anyway.

Lucy

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin,

It's nice to see a qualified teacher teaching at Hogwarts, the replacement we had for the last month was utterly hopeless, more interested in gawking at "The Golden Trio's" children. She took a particular interest in Al, which him being Al and devoid of emotion, caused great amusement.  
Whilst entertainment is necessary once in a very rare while, I am now in my final year and so would like to learn something useful, that contributes toward our NEWT.

No pressure, I can have a look at your lesson plans if that helps, or write them for you.

Best wishes,  
Rose Weasley.

* * *

Rose,

I'm re-writing them as we speak, and don't worry I've omitted the fun facts and jokes.  
You couldn't let me have one lesson, before you started criticising?

Dreading fourth period on Thursday,  
Prof. Teddy Lupin.

* * *

Prof Lupin,

One more piece of advice if Lucy comes to you and asks you anything about Lorcan Scamander don't tell her a thing. Deny everything, don't even admit you teach him. It's nothing serious but Lucy kind of (I mean totally) stalks the guy. It's harmless apart from the fact that it's super creepy and she conducts a group of her friends/ minions to obsess over him. You probably shouldn't sit them together if they are in the same class as well. If you want I'd be glad to help with a seating chart.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

People will sit wherever they please, stop shoving suggestions under my door at 11 at night. I haven't taught you yet.

TRL.

* * *

Hey Lily,

It seems like years since we've had a proper chat. Do you want to come visit me in my office - yeah, it sounds weird I still can't believe I'm a professor - I have your class on Thursday, you'll have to tell me how bad I am.

Anyway, I thought we could have a cup of tea, and some honeydukes chocolate - I have an awesome stash.

Yeah, so I've missed you Lils, that sounds stupid but it's true.

Speak soon,  
Teddy

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin,

Thank-you for your letter, but I must decline your offer.

Regards,  
LLP

* * *

Vic,

Really glad you are back in England, I could really use you right now - I enclose her reply to my letter. It's so... distant.

Needing your help,  
Ted

* * *

Ted,

Thanks, it's good to be back, I'd really love to see you in person soon, but everyone is still trying to keep us apart.  
Okay, her letter was cold, but what do you expect, you disappeared for three years and then you come back for Harry's birthday, kiss her then disappear again for two months, then when you do return, you return as her professor.I'd be pissed also.  
You just have to be patient. Lily is a great girl and you're ideal for each other, you just don't realise it yet. Be there for her, and one day she'll be there for you.

Your best friend and self appointed psychiatrist,  
Victoire

P.s. And if you're ever stuck and you can't get to me in time remember our family motto, WWHWD?

* * *

Dear Lily,

How are you? I feel that we haven't spoken in years, but I'd like to change that and get to know you again as an adult.

Especially, seeing as the last time I saw you, you kicked me in the shin and told me that I was an evil person for breaking up with Teddy (even though it was mutual). That I should go to hell for marrying Dennis and refused to come to my wedding, even though I'd broken up with Teddy about five years before. Also, I think you shouted (in the direction of USA) that France could have me.

How about re-establishing our cousinly relationship?

Best wishes,  
Victoire

P.S. I'm not angry about that - rather more amused. Ted and I are on good terms now.

* * *

Dear Victoire,

I can't believe I did all that. Of course, I want us to be friends again.

I know you and Teddy are on good terms. He told me you have been writing for years and there were no hard feelings.

Obviously, I must ask the most important question, how is the baby and is he or she called Lily? I think Lily is a definitely a good name for a baby.

Your child's namesake,  
Lily

* * *

Dear Lily,

The baby is fine, I feel so huge like about to give birth next week, not January. Lily is a lovely name, but Dennis and I have a feeling that it is going to be a boy - so I wonder how appropriate that name would be.

Have you seen much of Teddy, I'm sure it is strange having him as a professor, but he'll be a great. Give him a chance, Lily, listen to him.

Your Cousin,

Victoire

* * *

Vic,

The baby is a Weasley, he'll deal with it. Haven't seen much of Prof. L except in class with the 30 or so other people.

See you at Christmas,

Lily

* * *

Dear Victoire,

I saw her in the corridor today and she walked straight past me, what with re-writing all my lesson plans so Rose doesn't kill me and trying to find out why Lucy is stalking Lorcan - Rose just told me to keep any knowledge of him to myself, things are just way too much. I swear my Professors didn't have it this hard but then again they probably weren't teaching half of their extended family.

How is Dominique? Still breaking men's hearts? Say hi to your mum and dad for me? I'll say hi to Louis myself - I cannot believe he's teenager, he was a toddler when we were together...

Love Ted

* * *

Ted,

Try being friends, put to the side your feelings and try to just talk to her. Rose's enthusiasm is intense, but if you impress her, you will probably be the best Prof Hogwarts ever had. That's why Uncle Ron and Auntie Hermione got Hugo, to balance out the crazy, that kid is such a gem, I hope i get a Hugo. Saying that maybe Percy and Audrey should have got a Hugo to balance out Lucy.

Lucy worries me, she was always obsessive as a kid remember the gnome... I worry about Lorcan, maybe discreetly check he has all his 'real' fingers, we all know how she likes shrines. I'm joking, I'm joking, stop pulling your hair out. I know for a fact it just turned green then.

Dom is fine, still modelling, you can probably tell she's on the cover of every magazine in the world. Someone said I looked like her the other day, and I was so flattered of looking like a famous model that I forgot we were sisters. As for men's hearts, I think its the females of the world who should be more concerned seeing as those are the ones she's interested in.

Mama and Papa are well, excited about the baby, Dennis is still terrified of Papa, but is starting to get his jokes although every time we go to stay I have to convince Dennis that Papa cannot turn him into a werewolf (as far as I know- he he!). Louis' growing up it's scary, we were writing the other day and he didn't appreciate me remembering about him being a babe.

Victoire

* * *

Louis,

My little boy, how are you? It has been too long since you wrote to me. How has your first week been? Do you need anything? a care package? I have sent you extra socks just in case. I do not know why I presume it is a horrid British thing, your Father suggested it and then he laughed. I suppose you will laugh too and then you will both laugh at me your poor maman, all I do for you boys and this is how you repay me. Hugo never laughs at his parents, well he laughs at your Uncle Ron but then again who doesn't, your Uncle Ron is a very strange and silly man. I wish you could be more like your cousin Hugo he is such a good boy, Hermione says he gets very good grades and is always so polite and friendly. I bet he's even popular with the girls. Why won't you bring home a nice girl Louis, she doesn't have to meet your Father we can say he is away working and I will cook.

Love

your Maman.

* * *

Maman,

Please stop cooking you always drink far too much wine when you cook and I don't need food or socks. Tell Dad to shut up and I could tell you some things about Hugo Weasley. honestly, you wonder why I never bring anyone home.

Louis

* * *

Louis,

Do not say such things, I never drink too much when I'm cooking, it's customary to taste the wine before you add it to the food. Never speak ill of family. I would be glad to have Hugo as a son, I always go to him whenever I want advice on anything you know we all do.

Your Maman

* * *

Maman,

I know, I know. You're right, i spoke out of turn, Hugo's always great and yes he does know all.

I think it's the hair, when you're cursed with hair like his you've got to be god-like to compensate. Plus he's helped me out a couple of times.

I'll write again soon, please stop sending stuff.

Louis.

* * *

Defence against the dark Arts - First Period, Ravenclaw and Gryffindor Sixth Year Class - A note between Molly Weasley and Lily Potter

_Hey Lily,_

_Are you okay? You look concerned?_

_Love M. X_

Who is this?

_It's Molly your cousin..._

Right Sorry, you just don't normally write me notes. I'm fine, are you okay?

_Yeah, I'm good. If you need to talk, I'm here._

I'm just tired, and a little angry, but I'll get over it when I get left alone.

_That contradicts your statement of being fine._

I know, but I will be fine, once everything is sorted. It's weird I always forget we're in the same year, you are pretty quiet.

_Sometimes it's best to be quiet, I mean with Hugo, You, Lorcan, Lysander and me all being sixth years. Rose, Al, Leigh, Holly all being Seventh years, we sort of all merge together. It's easy to lose me in there. I quite like being forgotten about._

I haven't forgotten about you - well sometimes, but you are independant that we don't need to interfere in your lives like we do the others. We should hang out more this year, if you want to.

_Definitely - how about we start with what's going on with you?_

Chocolate, my dorm after class? If I don't kill Prof. Lupin before that?

_Why would you kill Prof Lupin, he doesn't seem such a bad teacher._

It's something that happened before term started, it's a long story and messy.

_Oh is it about how the two of you kissed at Uncle Harry's birthday party?_

How do you know about that? No one knows about that. I told him, no one can know, oh, Merlin.

_Well I do, I just notice things, whilst no one notices me, it's called being observant like a ninja._

I tried that once, It got in the way of me monopolising the conversation.

_You do that, huh? i hadn't noticed._

Sarcasm doesn't become you, you know that right?

_I know, Dad tells me all the time, I hate it when he's right but I suppose he is meant to be right it's basically his job. I mean if you're the Chief Mugwump you can't send the wrong person to jail._

Yeah it is, anyway let's talk about you, anyone you like?

_Please that information in the hands of a Potter is deadly, keep away!_

So do you want to play WWHWD?

_Don't you feel bad that you made our cousin and metaphorical rock of our family into a game?_

Sometimes but you've got to admit it's fun.


	3. Getting what you want

**Author's Note- Well, Hello there and thank you to lexi427 for subscribing we now have two readers and if you add in Libby and I and a calculator to do the math it's a party! Enjoy the next chapter, we enjoyed writing it.**

* * *

Chapter Three - Getting what you want.

* * *

Transfiguration, Third Period. Year Seven combined class. Note passed between Albus Severus Potter and Silas Jacks

Al,

I say this as your friend? Acquaintance? Person you will tolerate within fifty feet of you at all times?

STOP STARING AT BELLE!

Silas Jacks.

* * *

_Silas,_

_I've decided I want Belle._

_Albus_

* * *

Albus,

As a pet?

S.J.

* * *

_S,_

_*Rolls eyes* Don't be a dipshit._

_A._

* * *

A.

So... As a hostage? Are you going to trade her for dark artifacts?

S.

* * *

_S._

_Not my original plan._

_A._

_P.S. Reckon she could fetch an embalmed thestral head at least._

* * *

A.

You're warped in the head, y'know that, yeah?

Shuffles away discreetly,

Silas

* * *

_Silas,_

_Yeah... But that's not really why I want her._

_Albus_

* * *

A,

So just a test subject then?

S.J

* * *

_S.J,_

_No. I want to date her, or sleep with her, or something._

_Al,_

* * *

Albus

Oh, didn't think she was your type.

Silas.

* * *

_Silas,_

_...what's my type?_

_Albus._

* * *

Al,

Evil, like you? So you know you have stuff in common?

S.

* * *

_S._

_I see how you would come to that conclusion, but it's not like that, she's nice but can hold her own. I like that about her._

_A._

* * *

A,

Dude, you've fallen hard. I mean she's pretty hot, so I say go for it.

S.

* * *

_S._

_I already am, she hasn't even realised, probably won't until she's in Xeno-love with me._

_A._

* * *

A.

If you have such an evil plan, why ask for my advice?

S.

* * *

_S,_

_Was never really asking for advice, more making you aware. It's just safer someone knows my intentions, incase I need to be backed up in court or something._

_A._

* * *

A.

Why do your plans of romance, always seem so sinister?

S.

* * *

_S._

_Just the way I work._

_A._

* * *

A.

Sometimes I wonder why I talk to you. Go on then, I'm already in this far.

S.

* * *

_S._

_Rosie makes you - oh, yeah, I know you are shagging. You both could do worse and better._

_So we had potions together - Zax wasn't in, and neither was her partner, so we teamed up, and she kept up with all the evil stuff I said._

_She also is really cute, so after class, I said I'd see her at dinner, and she said that she didn't think so, and walked away._

_So I found her later and she was doing prefect rounds, so i walked with her and we just talked it was wyrd._

_A._

* * *

A,

It concerns me when you say 'found her?'

S.

* * *

_S._

_I'm a slytherin, it's my nature - so are you, though you act like a Hufflepuff. Anyway, we're going on a date tonight, she doesn't know about it, but she's coming._

_A._

* * *

A.

I am in Hufflepuff... By the way abduction is illegal.

S.

* * *

_S,_

_No, you're not. It's not abduction if they are coerced, or something like that_

_A._

* * *

A,

Fine, I'm not, unless I'm an undercover Hufflepuff pretending to be a Slytherin - that's dumb, it's normally the other way round.

You worry me a lot, have fun on your date.

S.

P.S. I'd visit you in Azkaban. Well...not so much visit as maybe send a Christmas card every few years.

* * *

_S._

_Thanks._

_A._

* * *

Fred you hunk of man-junk!

When will i get to see you again?

love Holly

* * *

Holls-baby,

maybe soon seeing as it's our annivvvvversary? Oh yeah i remembered and i'm going to sex you up good.

Love the

Sexy-Freddie,

* * *

My Boy Freddie,

You are the best boyfriend ever, I have no idea what Leigh is talking about James sucks compared to you. He doesn't have your SEXY body or your personality and he's ginger. I don't even know why she's banging the guy but too late now. So what are we doing for our anniversary?

love your SexBomb Holly

* * *

SexBomb,

I remembered is that not enough? Where would you like to go? I'll bring your favourite flowers, I can pick them out now even though they look like the other ones with the dust that gets everywhere. How about that restaurant that has those windows? You know the one. If you want something special tell me and i'll ask Hugo, because he does know all.

Fred.

* * *

Fredubbie,

Chill out, i meant what kinky sex stuff were we going to do? You would've worked it out on your own even if you didn't have Hugo. Although Hugo is like a skinny Buddha.

Holly X

* * *

Holl-a-back,

Oh thank Merlin, and how about I sneak in the usual way I'm sure i can think of something we haven't tried. Then again we've been dating since 4th year I might have to go out and get some new moves.

Fredster

* * *

Freddie,

I look forward to seeing your new moves, tomorrow at seven.

your sexy ninja XxxxX

* * *

Dear Harry and Ginny,

We hope you are both well. We would like to invite you to dinner this Saturday at 7 p.m. Leigh is home this weekend, and we think it would be best to discuss the situation face to face.

We haven't been able to get in contact with James, but if he could come as well we think it would be best.

Hoping to see you soon,

Hannah and Neville

* * *

Neville and Hannah,

Thank-you for the invitation, of course we will be there on Saturday. We've let James know that he is coming - he's always been a little lax on written communication. I've given up trying to teach him how to RSVP.

Hoping everything is okay,

Ginny and Harry

* * *

James,

I'm guessing you'll have a visitor soon, maybe brush your hair - we're having dinner with her parents tonight.

I'll side-along you there tonight, it'll be safer.

Dad

* * *

Hi Mamma and Papa,

What time is the food? Leigh stopped round, she'll make sure we get there on time.

You don't need to side-along on me, I have been able to apparate legally for three years now.

James

* * *

James,

Trust you to be late, would it kill you to set a good example...

Well Neville might kill you - don't act like a snake, or use to many 's-'words, or let him conjure a sword or you'll soon be missing your head.

I wouldn't blame him.

Get here now!

Dad.

* * *

Leigh,

Hope everything is okay? Are you and James planning on joining us for dinner, seeing as it started an hour ago?

Love Mum,

* * *

Mum, Dad, Harry and Ginny,

We're on our way - James is being...James. I just have to get him off the ceiling, apparently when he gets this happy he tries to levitate.

I think it is one of Fred's products gone wrong.

Love Leigh

P.S. Is side-along safe?

* * *

Leigh,

Side-along is fine.

See you soon,

Mum

* * *

Leigh,

_How are you? I'm_

I waited four days before I wrote this letter, and then you turned up on my doorstep, mid letter writing and told me the good news, so I'm finishing it now.

I know that this is scary, and huge, so huge (not you, you look lovely) but I'm excited and happy, I want us to grow old together and have lots of children, and I really hope you reconsider my proposal - I'm including a ring, just try it and think about it, you don't have to answer straight away or ever in fact. It'll always be you and I and the baby.

I love you,

James.

* * *

Dear Holly

Hey bestie. I'll be back monday morning for lessons, with dad. Sorry for disappearing on you. I'll tell you everything in full detail when i get back. Mum and Dad have been well...totally surprising. I thought they'd freak. Mum cried about having a grandkid, and fussed loads and Dad just looked totally surprised like he has no idea where babies come from. So just being Dad really. He put flowers in my room when I woke up this morning from his extra special greenhouse, and didn't even mention the fact he must have seen James lying next to me.

Harry and Ginny were really supportive as well, but they are obviously disappointed in James, they had plans for him to be England's next Captain. He can still do that, I'll never stand in the way of his dreams. I feel so guilty, I know, I know what you'll say.

James is thrilled he's always wanted a family, even though we're so young.

Miss you,

Leigh.

p.s. He proposed...

* * *

Dear Leighlingly

Thank the merlin people! i have been going out of my mind without you! Do you know how boring regular people are? I tried to people watch at breakfast but without your commentary to help my commentary it just kept on going round and round until I started imagining people as penguins. You know because first years are always so wrapped up in black cloaks waddling along. Aww, they are such cute little penguins. Then Hagrid came in and I imagined he was a polar bear ready to eat them, so then i got really into the arctic scene and I picked up the sugar bowl and started to douse it on their heads just when i squinted my eyes if you know what I mean. Then I got really strange looks and Hugo came and asked me if I was missing you, but it was one of Hugo's questions the ones that make you think you know. So I thought and I think he meant; You are clearly missing Leigh but you are acting weird and it is scaring the rest of Hogwarts so stop it. I know, right, it was a pretty loaded question. But it's Hugo he can do that. So I'm really looking forward to having you back, I've missed you, I want to talk to you, nobody understands me.

Holly-ling-ly

P.s. Big Deal, Fred proposes every time I take off my bra.

* * *

Holly-ly,

Penguins and polar bears live at opposite ends of the world. I've missed you too.

Leigh.

* * *

Hi Rose,

I know you are very busy what with doing ten or something NEWTs, being head girl and avoiding Silas Jacks.

But could you explain your cousin to me?

Sincerely,

Belle De'Lavere.

* * *

Belle,

You are going to have to narrow that down. A lot of my cousins need explaining.

Rose

* * *

Rose

Albus? Does he want to kill me?

Belle

* * *

Belle,

It's hard to tell, but probably... it is his go to response.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

Oh, what with the appearing in front of me, and putting dead spiders in my hair, i thought it was his way of making friends.

Belle

* * *

Belle,

It may be, just watch out for yourself. There is a reason why we avoid him at Hallowe'en, he doesn't need encouragement.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

So you don't have any clue what he's trying to do/say/be/execute?

Belle

* * *

Belle,

Albus is an enigma, if we start understanding him, then Hugo will be out of a job. Just remain within a safe distance and be aware of broom cupboards.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

Thanks for the, err, advice. I sort of took it, well not really. He was walking toward me in the corridor, and he looked really evil - sort of like he normally does, but as though he was trying to smile, but it was just too painful. So I smiled back, mistake I know. So then he kissed me - boy can he kiss. You probably didn't want to know that.

Anyway, I think we may be dating. Not sure, I could ask Albus but it would probably just confuse him - he doesn't like people talking to him. Well, I think that's what he means he actually said he hated all people.

Belle.

* * *

Belle,

I saw you together in the corridor today, and the fact that he interacts with you on something higher than a essential level probably means he likes you. That's the closest I can get to understanding him.

If you want to get rid of him, say you like Unicorns - he's terrified of them. I didn't tell you that.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

I've figured some things out myself, his indifferent actually means, I quite like this, I wouldn't mind doing it again.

I'll just keep to myself that I think Unicorns are beautiful.

Belle.

* * *

Rose,

Albus just told me we were going on a date. Yippee. Apparently Silas told him thats what you do with girlfriends. Normally he just takes me to a secret room to kiss.

I get slightly concerned when he acts like a normal person, I prefer him sinister, that way I know where I stand.

Belle

* * *

Belle,

That sounds like great progress. I guess it's true that opposites make out in closets, i mean attract.

You say words like 'yippee' and he has on several occasions tried to breed gryffins and kneazles.

Hope you have fun on your date.

Rose.

* * *

Rose,

The date was awesome. He took me to this room that just appeared, and the food he must have bribed the elves. He said maybe twenty full sentences the whole night. Three with a clause and sub-clause. I know I'm sad I counted, but I could actually tell he listened and everything.

Then, well, I know this will probably weird you out but let's just say I can understand why women like him.

Thanks again,

Belle

* * *

Belle,

Glad you are happy. Although to clarify, no one likes him. If you need any advice feel free to ask Hugo, he has loads of it.

Rose


	4. Congratulations you're having a meltdown

**A/N: L:Jane we haven't disclaimed.**

**J:Then we must**

**Both: Weeeeeeeee disclaim that Harry Potter is not ours. (sung to whichever tune you like)**

* * *

Fred-meister my love,

Something big is happening between Leigh and James, press him for details, I'm not allowed to tell you yet.

Holly. Xxx

* * *

Hol,

You're terrible at Gossip. You have to tell me now, I asked James when we went for beers last night. He said it was awesome, then asked why I was keeping Roxy in my jacket pocket.

I'd forgotten she was there, so I had to take her home and put her to bed.

I'll find out soon enough,

Fred

* * *

Fred,

It is awesome.

Leigh says I can tell you once Lily and Al know, so I'm jumping up and down on her bed trying to make her write faster. She says it's not helping.

Holly.

* * *

Hol,

Cool, tell me as soon as. James and I are going out tomorrow night so I can taunt him then that I know.

Good news, Roxy's feet are back to normal size.

Fred.

* * *

Freddie,

Leigh's pregnant. Going to be a mumma.

James will be a dad.

All that follows.

Should write more, too excited.

Holleeeeeeee

* * *

Hol,

I knew it. I have so many jokes for James. Oh, and moral support and all that.

I just have to find Roxy first, I shrunk her, so it's even more difficult this time.

Hold on found her... False alarm drawing pin.

I'll keep looking.

Fred.

* * *

James,

Will you tell us what is going on? Mum said that Leigh came to visit you last weekend and since then she's been happy. Mysteriously happy and then at other times, sad and crying. Tell me what's happening. Please?

Now,

Lily.

P.S. I think I know anyway.

* * *

Lily,

Leave Leigh alone.

James.

* * *

Leigh,

Would you like to tell me what's happening? Or do I have to force it out of you?

Lily.

* * *

Lily,

I discussed it with James and I think you and Albus should know that in a few months you are going to have a little niece or nephew. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell everyone about this, I don't really want the whole school knowing.

Even though they'll know when I start to show. Will have to talk to Dad about that.  
Anyway. We will tell everyone soon - and hopefully you will support us.

Leigh.

* * *

Leigh,

I will totally be there for you.

_So will I._ (that was Al by the way - my handwriting didn't just change)

_I think she knows that, Lily._

Okay - we are really excited and you'll be a wonderful mum, James -well- that's why you have us.

_Tell us when you are telling everyone, we'll fend off the disapproving._

Love Lily. _Al_

* * *

Jamie,

Hugo just sent us the most adorable little present. It's a paper rabbit that takes off it's top hat and pulls out a banner saying congratulations then dances around before putting the hat back on and doing it again. It so adorable I think I'm going to cry. I'm told him if you weren't my baby-daddy I'd marry him, he just laughed. I don't know why he doesn't have a girlfriend.

Love,  
Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

Sounds super cool. Can I play with it? Hugo is pretty great, and you're clever and I'm willing, maybe I can be trained to be that good. If not well I hope you are happy together.

Love,  
James.

P.S. Please don't leave me, you're the only good think about me. Apart from my hair it's officially resistant to any hair product on earth - Grandma's furious.

* * *

Dear Leigh,

Congratulations,

Yes I know you haven't told me but I put the pieces together, Lily told me off for being observant earlier, I had to say something. I think you are going to be such wonderful parents, you especially Leigh and with a family like us how could things not go well. I guess this means you're officially a member now that you are carrying a mini-Potter but you basically know all our tricks anyway plus as long as you remember the family motto it will all be fine.

Lots of love

your baby's second cousin Molly

* * *

Hey Babe and the Baby,

I got a letter from the family of Percy Weasley today all official looking, basically saying congratulations plus there was a massive cheque inside from Uncle Percy and a note from Aunt Audrey telling us to buy a house with it. I'm going over there tomorrow to tell them thanks but that it's way too much but, I'm guessing Molly and Lucy know about the baby?

I'll see you soon.

James xx

* * *

Jamie,

Oh definitely give it back, unless of course it's not for a house, it might be a guise Percy might want you to do away with some of your more virile friends in order to protect his precious daughters. Molly and Lucy do know though.

Love you, Leigh xx

* * *

Leigh,

Really? I'd have to kill my whole Quidditch team and Fred although he's my cousin and in love with Holly so he might be ok.

Jamie

* * *

James,

Oh honey, you do make me laugh.

Leigh.

* * *

Leighhh?

I don't understand, I'll see you this weekend.

Jamie

* * *

Dear Leigh (and James)

Congratulations! Another lovely little one to join our family, I'm beginning to think Great-Grandchildren will be even more wonderful than grandchildren.

I've already started knitting, when you find out if it's a boy or a girl let me know. I've got some which read baby L – for Longbottom, and some which read Baby P for Potter. I'm not sure which it will be, but when James came around to tell us. He was ever so excited, I wouldn't be surprised if we were planning another wedding soon. The Burrow is here if you want it!

Take Care,

Molly Weasley (future Grandmother-in-law)

* * *

Dear Leigh,

When your father told me, I can't say I wasn't surprised. Let's just hope the baby takes after you, not that Potter boy. At least he's well off, and if he does fall off that broom with all those silly stunts at least you and the baby will get a bit of money.

Come round for tea when you're back home one weekend, and I can give you some advice on how to control your baby's father. You know you don't have to marry him, after all I raised your father by myself and apart from his obsession with plants he turned into a fine man, though he did promise me more great-grandchildren once upon a time. Thank goodness for your mother.

Be safe, and don't eat any of the plant concoctions your father thinks are a good idea.

Your Great-Grandmother,

Augusta Longbottom I

* * *

Hey Nephew,

Heard you got your girlfriend pregnant, that's one way to stop her leaving you.

Oh well, best of luck

Uncle Charlie

* * *

Dear Leigh,

Congratulations on the baby. I'm not sure how much help James will be, so if you need him to be eaten by a dragon, I'm here to help.

Keep well,

Charlie Weasley.

* * *

Leigh,

Congratulations, that's great news! Don't open the handbag! It is designer I modelled it on my last shoot and it has bottles hidden inside.

I made you these it's to help with morning sickness, I don't know if you have any yet but I know it's a common side effect and it's quite a simple potion to make. Plus I don't know who you've told at school so I thought you might not want to ask Madam Pomfrey or Madam Geraldine. I know you shouldn't trust Weasleys and potions but it was my best subject and remember I was a Ravenclaw.

All my love,

Dom

* * *

Leigh,

I'm so happy for you and James. Congratulations. To be honest I'm also slightly happy for me, you can now have some of the attention and it'll be nice to talk about babies with someone who hasn't had seven. I love my Grandma but this is my first baby it was easy for her to have Aunt Ginny she'd had six already, I haven't had any practice. I'm having a baby shower with all my non-pregnant friends because my mother insists, although I keep moving the date around I'm hoping the baby comes and then I won't have to have one. Are you having a baby shower any time? I didn't start showing until about 6 months thanks to my wonderful Veela genes. This probably won't bother you for a couple more months yet. I'm just really excited to have another pregnant family member around.

Talk to you soon.

Victoire

* * *

Hi Vic,

Thanks for your letter, I guess it is nice to have someone in a similar position. All James Aunts were popping out babies at similar times and it must have been busy but supportive for them. I don't think I'm having a baby shower any time soon, I don't really want one. Not many of my friends know so I think they'd all be shocked by an invite. Holly knows obviously and all of family knows but I'm trying to hide it from the school until I'm about 5 months pregnant that's my aim. I don't know if it'll work especially as James wants to take out an announcement in the paper.

Leigh

* * *

Dear Leigh,

I was hoping you'd say that! About the baby shower, that you hadn't planned one I mean. Please can we have a joint one. My mother and my in laws both want this massive production and I can't be bothered you'd be doing me a massive favour. Plus if we had a joint one, they'd have to get you a ton of gifts too! I'd explain to them and they won't tell a soul in fact they love a bit of scandal, honestly, a surprise party is like crack to them and every party has to have a treasure hunt. I married into a bunch of freaks. You could invite whoever you like, half of our guest list overlaps, then Holly anyone else? You have to learn to rein your husband in it's a type of conditioning that's how I did it anyway, he associates doing what I say with getting rewarded for it and now he just does what I say.

Victoire

* * *

Leigh,

I saw Louis today he sends his congratulations, I don't know why he wasn't in school with you. His life is a mystery. How's the baby?

James

* * *

Jamie,

I don't know how the baby is, it's not even a baby yet I wish everyone would stop assuming I'm a Mum. I'm not. I've just got a bunch of cells growing inside me because my boyfriend knocked me up.

Leigh.

* * *

James,

As much as I love our girl, if she shouts at me one more time for wearing colourful tights. I'm going to kick her in the head.

Holly

* * *

Holly

Yeah… about that. When Leigh gets angry, I hide in a cupboard until the shouting stops. I can lend you a cupboard if you like.

Best of luck,

James

* * *

Dear Leigh and James,

Congratulations on the news of your unborn child. I'm sure fetuses are delightful, I hope it's warm.

I give you every blessing, and hope that your child looks like my love, Lorcan. That it may have his cascading gold hair, his blue eyes filled with awe and wonder, and his soul created in the heavens of the Gods' God.

Lorcan is a great name as well, if you are taking suggestions.

Fond regards,

Your relative Lucy

* * *

Leigh,

Fred just grabbed my junk as way of congratulations. I feel violated. I need a hug. I asked him what the hell he was doing and he said he would have patted your belly but you weren't there. He also said he was surprised it all worked seeing as I basically abuse my balls sitting on a broomstick all day. Do you think I should get my Firebolt 5000 a cushion? Just in case I want to reproduce again.

Love James xx

* * *

Dear James,

Congrats man! I should say woman, because of course I mean to me.

My Godmothering is going to be so awesome they shall make wireless shows about it.

By the way, you have detention on Monday Evening and Tuesday Evening in the Ancient Runes classroom, for being late to classes. It was your fault, because I was looking after your preggo girlfriend/soulmate whom happens to have developed a talent of puking up her breakfast every morning. Yeah...

So suck that Prof. Treethorpe, James is doing my detentions.

Loveya,

Holly the Detentionless.

P.S. You also called him prejudiced towards people who had hair, and fashion sense. Your bad.

* * *

**A/N2:**

**Sorry, for the lack of updates - Family=sad atm.**

**That's all for this chappy - another coming very soon. Please review, we'll love you forever. Tell us if you want more of any character, or if any of its a bit weird/confusing and we'll try to correct it.**


	5. Not exactly scary

Weasley Letters - Chapter 5

**A/N: Another chapter, So soon? We're spoiling you! It's just to make up for the fact we've been temporarily absent. Please enjoy and well... if you want you could always review, or follow or favourite. Love NeverthelessTwin (Jane)**

* * *

Rose,

I asked you a question

Silas

* * *

Silas,

I'm trying to take notes and in response to your question I did not stand you up we never had a definite plan to meet you just assumed I would meet you because you had told me to.

RW

* * *

Rose,

You always have done before. How was I to know you'd suddenly change your mind? Did you want to meet somewhere different?

Silas

* * *

Silas,

No, I don't want to meet up with you.

RW.

* * *

Rose,

We both know that's not true, I've heard you begging and pleading statements to the contrary just yesterday in fact.

Silas

* * *

Silas,

You're an insufferable, insensitive brute.

RW.

* * *

Rose,

Just admit you want me and we can get out of here.

Silas

* * *

Hey Silas,

If you're writing to Rose do me a favour and don't tell her about Belle, I don't want Lily finding out.

ASP

* * *

Al,

Sure thing, we never talk.

Silas

* * *

Silas,

Good man.

ASP

* * *

Hey Lily-sweetie,

I'm sure kicking that Gargoyle helped relieve some stress but shall I help you to the hospital wing so Madam Pomfrey can repair your broken toe? Then maybe you can explain why you are going around kicking stone statues?

Molly

* * *

Molly,

Yes please, I can't really walk…

Lily

* * *

Lily,

So the three toes that were broken have now been fixed. Do you wish to elaborate on the kicking episode? Or is it just what all the cool kids are doing now?

Molly

* * *

Molly,

Teddy is a dickhead

Lily

* * *

Lily,

Well that is certainly informative, why is he a dickhead? Did he give you too much homework?

Molly

* * *

Molly,

No, because he runs away like a chicken shit after giving terrible birthday presents.

Lily

* * *

Lily

Well…. He always was bad at buying gifts. Remember the set of quills he gave me that glowed red in the dark. I kept thinking my quill-case was on fire.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

I'd be glad if he set my stationary on fire that's a valid reason for not doing my homework. No, he just finds it appropriate to push me against walls snog the hell out of me than avoid me like I have dragon pox. Regardless of whose birthday it is.

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I don't think your dad would have liked that present, if he caught you at his birthday, though maybe after you whacked him over the head with a napkin when he left.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

I'd take no presents if he could act like a human being rather than a complete twat. I mean first he kisses me then he disappears for a year because 'oh no, we just can't be together' he's such a girl. And then he comes back and it's practically Mills and Boon and we're getting it on. Then he fecks off for a month and no word from him because apparently he's a mute and can't possibly talk to me like a normal person. Only to return to become my TEACHer!

Lily

* * *

Lily,

Well I must say you are handling it extraordinarily well if your limited grammar and extensive vocabulary are any indication.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

Don't tease me woman,

Lily

* * *

Lily,

Sorry honey, so what are you going to do?

Mol.

* * *

Molly,

Uhh, ignore him of course, immaturity runs deep in my veins, just as deep as the Gryffindor pride RAWWWR!

Lily

* * *

Lily,

That's awfully useful, hasn't he tried to talk to you? Or have you not had any lessons. You must have by now, aren't you in my class? I never concentrate on other students, so sorry if I've ignored you I sit in the second front row because there's no room in the first row for all of my group.

Molly

* * *

Molly

I haven't really been to his lessons, I can't face him, it'll either end in my snogging him, or getting so frustrated that I beat him to death with the Sixth Years Guide to Defence and Protection by Welly Horgrims.

Lily

* * *

Lily

Well most DADA teachers used to last only a year, so it wouldn't be that much of a scandal. Though maybe you could just permanently injure him, or hit him so hard he gets his head on straight that he decides to date you like a normal person.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

That's a good idea…

Lily

* * *

Lily,

It was a joke, I won't visit you in Azkaban. Should we talk seriously for a moment?

Molly

* * *

Molly,

Fine I'll be sensible and mature for a moment. How am I supposed to get on with my life, when the man I'm in love with want even address anything that happens and just want s to be friends, no wonder I ignore all his letters.

Lily

* * *

Lily

You're in love with him? Are you sure?

Molly

* * *

Molly

Yes… Unfortunately.

Lily

* * *

Break

* * *

Lily,

Wake up and pay attention, it was not easy for me to drag you out of your dorm this morning. I mean for Merlin's sake, I had to put your shoes on for you!

Molly

* * *

Lily,

If they are on the wrong feet it is your own fault for not putting them on yourself.

Molly

* * *

Lily

Are you napping?

Molly

* * *

Lily!

Did you hear what Professor Lupin just said?

Molly

* * *

Molly,

No, I'm not listening to him.

Lily

* * *

Lily,

He said, and I quote "Miss. Potter, If you insist on throwing things in my classroom, could it at least be your notes, so I know you are taking some, or your textbook so I know you own one."

Molly

* * *

Molly,

So when he decides to talk to me, it's yelling?

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I know you probably didn't hear seeing as you were asleep on your desk, but you have detention tomorrow night.

Now you'll have to talk to him!

Molly.

* * *

Lily,

I get that you are annoyed at me, but please let me explain...

Ted.

* * *

Lily,

I'm just asking if we can have a drink, or a walk on the grounds, or a yell across the great hall.

Ted

* * *

Lily,

I think that it would be a good idea if we spoke, save you running away from me in public

Ted.

* * *

Lily,

I've started to get desperate, so I'm attaching this note to your homework.

Please talk to me, PLEASE!

Ted.

* * *

Lily,

Me attaching notes to your homework, doesn't make it okay for you to stop doing homework.

Ted.

* * *

Lily Potter,

Report to detention tonight, you will be organising files in my office.

Professor Lupin

* * *

Hugo,

I know you're probably sick of this but has Lily talked to you? I know everyone comes to you with their problems and I'm not asking what she said it's just she seemed distracted and I was checking she had someone to talk.

The best new professor,

Ted.

* * *

Teddy,

Why do you want to know what she said?

I can see right through you.

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

Just being a good Professor/god-brother/friend, I don't want to know.

Stop seeing through me, or I'll ask about your life.

Ted.

* * *

Teddy,

Please, nobody asks about my life, you only know me as the curly haired ginger one. Why don't you just ask Lily?

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

Ok, I will. Thanks.

Ted.

* * *

Fred,

As you know it's Hallowe'en there's going to be some parties I need some booze. Any help?

Lou

* * *

Louis,

Dude, I gave you plenty at the start of the year what did you do take a bath in it? Sure, I can get you some more, you want something festive because I'm trying to move a load of this really badly flavoured stuff.

Fred.

* * *

Fred,

Thanks dude, and I kind of drank everything you gave me already what with the start of year party and then I celebrated not getting caught with having another party. Well, if you can't be happy at least you can be drunk.

Louis

* * *

Louis,

What a well adjusted view of the world.

Fred.

* * *

Dude,

I'm like always stoned. The view I have of the world is usually slightly blurry and only through one eye. I don't even know who I'm writing this letter to, I can't exactly remember who you are... Fred?

But I love you.

Lou.

* * *

Louis,

Surprisingly that doesn't offend me, I'll get you some more booze for Hallowe'en, no hitting on my girl.

I love you too, bro.

Fred

* * *

Fred.

I knew I had a brother!

Louis

* * *

Lou,

You are way too stoned, how do you even function?

Fred.

* * *

Fred,

After about 6 months you kind of get into a perpetual state and nobody notices the difference any more.

Louis

* * *

James, Fred,

I'd just like to remind you that even though I supplied you with copious amounts of alcohol whilst you were at Hogwarts I cannot condone you doing the same. I am aware this is very hypocritical but I must insist.

Teddy

* * *

Ted,

I won't supply the Hogwartians in your care with alcohol as I know it puts you in a difficult position even though some of them are of legal age and you did it for us all the time.

Your brother James

* * *

James,

Thank you I appreciate it.

Teddy.

* * *

Fred,

So do you want me to meet you in the usual place? I'm bringing most of the quidditch team to help carry the booze. Is James coming because I can get Leigh to tag along.

Louis

* * *

Louis,

No James promised Teddy he wouldn't supply you with booze any more so just bring me my girl without any Quidditch players handprints on her. So not as much booze I'm afraid.

Fred

* * *

Fred,

Your girl will be safe with me. I may have to stagger the booze at the party, or hand out a bit of my extra credit herbology project that'll make sure everyone forgets about the lack of alcohol.

Louis

* * *

Louis

Uncle Nev still oblivious to what you're growing?

Fred

* * *

Fred,

Yup, I'm growing it and smoking it and it's getting me through Herbology class in more ways than one.

Louis

* * *

Louis,

You are the luckiest fool I know

Fred.


	6. Oh Albus you haven't, have you?

Weasley Letters-Chapter 6

A/N: Thank you to all the new follows and favourites NUDGELOVER, ginnyandharryluvr, scarlettclover we really appreciate it and as thanks here is a new chapter. This one made us laugh. Please tell us if you want to see any more of one particular character or anything else, we'd love some feedback because we really don't know what we're doing here.

* * *

James,

I just saw Albus kissing a girl...

Too shocked for words,

Your sister,  
Lily

* * *

Lily,

WHAT?!

Also, too shocked for words,  
James

P.S. Is the world ending?

* * *

James,

I think I have just about recovered. I can't believe, he was so Albus... I thought he was a-sexual, and the only way he was going to give mum and dad grandchildren is if he got hit by a cloning jinx.  
So, Albus having a sex drive (they were really going at it) and apparently a girlfriend... Must mean only one thing - the world is definitely coming to an end.

Your little sister,  
Lily

P.S. As the world's ending, I feel I must say, even though you are a terrible brother, I sort of like you and wouldn't mind awfully if people knew we were related, I'd suggest distantly though.

* * *

Albus,

My brother is a man. Tell me about your girlfriend.

NOW!

James.

* * *

James,

Her name is Belle and she's a beautiful (and sane) human being. Unlike you or any of our family.

Now leave me alone,  
ASP.

* * *

Lily (my sort of sister-person),

I wrote to Al, and he wants me to leave him alone. So I need you to go undercover and spy for me and find out everything you can about her.

Her name is Belle, and apparently she's hot, and not like us - that's all I got from the letter.

Your distantly related brother,  
James.

P.S. I took offense at your last PS, I think I am a great brother to you.

* * *

James, the offended,

I've been spying. Well, spying isn't the right term - I kidnapped belle and asked her lots of questions, to find out why she is dating Albus.

Firstly, she wouldn't submit to veriteserum, because she thought I was trying to poison her, (shouldn't have told her I made it myself). So, we can only take these answers on face value.

LLP: Are you, or have you ever been diagnosed as insane?  
BD: No. *looks concerned (some may call it terrified)*

LLP: Are you dating him for his last name?  
BD: No, I didn't know he was Harry Potter's son when we first met.

LLP: Why? Can you not read? Hear? See? (That would explain a lot)  
BD: I'm muggleborn  
LLP: Convenient excuse.

LLP: Are you dating him for his money?  
BD: No!  
LLP: Good, he doesn't have any, James and I raided his room over the summer, it's all potions ingredients and books, not a single Knut.

LLP: Do you want him to do your homework for you?  
BD: I can do my own homework, though sometimes we study together.  
LLP: Yeah, right studying, that wasn't what it looked like.

LLP: do you find him attractive? *tries not to vomit*  
BD: Yes *a bit to enthusiastically*  
LLP: Really?!  
BD: *giggles* yes, but it's more than that, he's sweet, kind, smart, and funny...  
LLP: *runs out of the room screaming*

So, I think it's clear from that conversation that the only way Albus has a girlfriend, is that he created her through a potion.

I think I should write to Dad.

Lily.

P.S. Good brother? You have to be kidding me, you enchanted my doll's head to be a snitch. And my teddy bear to be a quaffle, not to mention using my pygmy puffs as bludgers.  
Not cool. So, not cool.

* * *

Daddy,

Albus has a girlfriend, and I have a strong suspicion he may have created her using a potion.

Love Lily.

P.S. If it's just the world ending, thanks for reading me all those princess stories when I was a kid. It gives me hope that true love will come and bite me in the arse (not unpleasantly).

* * *

Dear Lily,

Your mother and I will write to Albus immediately. This behaviour is definitely cause for concern and your brother being, well you know how he is. I suspect there may be something sinister at hand.

Love Dad.

P.S. The world is not ending, but is there someone I should know about? - I'm not happy with you children growing up. I'm still telling James, I'm too young to be a grandfather, but well he's James.

* * *

Dear Albus,

I hear from Lily that you have a girlfriend. I feel I must insist on a few things.

1. If you created her, that's wrong, it's not a real relationship, and it's definitely not healthy, please undo it.

2. If you used a love potion - it's just lust, and for a teenage boy, lust may be very fun, but technically it's sexual assault - I don't want to have to arrest you.

3. If you used imperio - oh, you have, haven't you! That's illegal, I'm going to have to put you in prison.

4. If all other options are wrong, and you are dating in a conventional way, that's great. Though I feel, your mother and I should meet her just to be sure. At the very least you should always question her judgement.

Take Care and remember we'll always love you, no matter how heinous the crimes you've committed are.

Love Dad.

P.S. Just in case, we'll have the talk again. Any questions, just owl me.

* * *

Alby,

You have a girlfriend! I'm so pleased, I must admit I was a little worried that you'd never find anyone, but this just proves there is someone out there for everyone.

Tell me all about her and why didn't you tell me you liked someone? I could have helped.

As always, ignore your father, he always suspects foul play. He says he's a diplomat, but he's getting more and more suspicious in his old age.

Love Mum,  
Xxx

P.S. Also, hoping you haven't made her up, if you have - well, we understand how difficult being a teenager is.

* * *

Mum and Dad,

Belle exists.

_I do, hi!_

I didn't force Belle to do anything against her will, maybe I'm just really good in bed.

_No, Albus, you can't send that, they'll think I'm a slut._

_Sorry, Mr. & Mrs. Pott_er!

Yeah, Sorry.

Belle and I are in a normal and happy relationship, and maybe I didn't tell you about her before because you don't need to know everything. Also, I don't need the talk.

_Can I add something?_

Go ahead.

_Mr. and Mrs. Potter, I'm sure Lily is a lovely girl, a very inquisitive girl, but could you ask her to stop asking me intrusive questions? It makes me uncomfortable. Also, Albus should really stop hexing her, everytime she does._

So, mum, dad that's about all - maybe go and pay more attention to the idiot and the gossip and your other kid who's supposed to be a professor here, but is acting like a lovesick school girl. They need your help.

See you at Christmas, though I might go to Belle's as her family are sane.

Speak later, much later,  
Albus

_Bye now,_  
_Belle._

* * *

Daddy,

Albus is annoyed at me for asking Belle questions, I'm just waiting for a potion to wear off.  
There is nothing to worry about. He's an idiot, so nothing is going to happen.  
Why is life so mean?

Love you,  
Lily.

* * *

Minion 7, formerly minion 2.

Your behaviour today was appalling. Subtlety should be the essence of stalking yet you seemed to disregard this entirely, how are we meant to keep track of the lengthening of Lorcan's hair? This is why we secretly photograph him, once he becomes aware of the photographs it's a whole different ball game. You are way too inexperienced in the business to take these kind of risks. I am seriously questioning your commitment to the cause. That's why I am demoting you to position 7.

Please hand in your omnioculars and high resolution camera, you will be issued with standard binoculars a long range telescope and Hogwarts camouflage. We will discuss your change in duties at our next fortnightly meeting.

Lucy Weasley

President of the Lucy Weasley Observation Army

* * *

Dear Lucy Weasley,

After the incident today I would like to suggest that we review our minions on the third weekend in November. According to research I have carried out our Worship and his brother will be visiting family in Russia at that time and thus all our current recruits will be able to focus their attention on honing their skills for his return.

Joshua Redgrave, first minion of the Lucy Weasley Observation Army

* * *

Minion 1, Joshua,

I appreciate the suggestion I definitely think we need to work on their skills only half of them know when and how to use their camouflage suits. I doubt I could get any of them up to your standard after one weekend, have you seen any potential replacements for when you graduate this summer?

Lucy Weasley

* * *

Lucy,

You flatter me, I learned it all from you, you are an amazing mentor. I mean when I started I didn't even know that I could jinx my camera so it wouldn't flash.

Joshua

* * *

Lily,

I get that we are in the same office, but you aren't talking, so I'm writing you a note like we are teenagers - well you are, but please say something I'm bored of my own voice.

Teddy.

* * *

Prof. Lupin,

Why don't you think of something else to do with your mouth, rather than boring me to death with your incessant talking.

LLP

* * *

Teddy!

I did not mean kiss me.

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I had to check you haven't been bored to death.

Teddy

* * *

Teddy,

That is your method, you necrophiliac?

Lily.

* * *

Lily,

You kissed me back so you obviously aren't dead.

Teddy

* * *

Teddy,

You think you are cute, don't you?

Lily,

* * *

Lily,

Yes I do. Anything to add?

Teddy

* * *

Teddy,

I think we should stop writing notes

Lily

* * *

Dear Vic,

She kissed me, well I kissed her and she kissed me back then we talked a little. She said that she doesn't feel like we're friends anymore, and that I missed out on a lot because I decided to go and be a twat faced jackass - her words. I asked if we could be friends, and she said that if I played my cards right we could be more than friends.  
Fuck Merlin, I'm in love.  
Love your ridiculously happy best friend,  
Teddy.

* * *

Dear Teddy,  
Well, my idea of playing it slow and re-establishing your friendship etc. you just threw that out the window, didn't you?  
I'm happy that you are happy, but she is still your student so no public displays of affection, okay?  
Also, I want to be there when you tell Uncle Harry, if he tries to hit you, I'll pretend to go into to labour.  
Love,  
Vic

* * *

Molly,

I have something awesome to tell you. Meet me outside your common room now!

Lily

* * *

Lily,

It's 3:30am. No.

Molly

* * *

Molly

Please. I'll love you forever and ever. It's really important.

Lily

* * *

Lily

Can't you write it in a note? I'm in my pyjamas.

Molly

P.s. you have to love me forever and ever I'm your cousin

* * *

Molly

Fine. Teddy kissed me, and then we made out - awesome detention. I think we are sort of together now. We still have a lot to talk through, but I haven't been this happy since - since last time I was with Teddy.

Lily

* * *

Lily

I'll be right down, sod sleep.

Molly

* * *

Molly

Follow the girly squeeling...

Lily

* * *

Dear Teddy,

I watered the plants in your house, when I got there a bird had flown through a broken window so I let it out and fixed the window. I also updated the wards they are passworded so think of your favourite animal, where your Gran lived, then the colour of your hair in order and they should unlock.

Oh and Albus told me you are acting like a lovesick schoolgirl care to explain?

Harry James Potter

* * *

Harry,

Wonderful small talk you've got there but honestly I'm fine actually I'm really happy and that's what you want right?

Ted.

* * *

Teddy,

Of course that's what I want, but tell me you haven't got any ideas from Albus, please.

Harry


	7. The ugliest statue known to wizard

Chapter Seven - Weasley Letters

**A/N: Another Chappy just a day later. We're loving this story, and hope you are too. Feel free to review and let us know what you think, we'd both really appreciate it.**

* * *

Hi Lysander,

You know we are friends, right? I'm envoking that pact we made when we were about four. That if one of us really needed the other one, we'd be there for them.

Thanks,  
Lily

P.S. I like the new hair cut.

* * *

Lily,

I guess we are friends, though ever since we got back to school, I've hardly seen you. What's going on?

You made that pact with Lorcan. I owe you nothing.

Ly,

P.S. It makes me look less like Lorcan, therefore his fan-girls can't mob me.

* * *

Ly,

That's why I need you, I've been busy lately and my family might get suspicious so I need you to be my decoy.

I know for a fact it was you. I can tell you apart you know.

Lily.

P.S. Who'd have thought when we were little he'd be such a player?

* * *

Lily,

How exactly would I be your decoy?

Please, can you use Lorcan? There's a project I'm working on which its really important.

Ly.

P.S. I know. Well, it's not all fun and games, your cousin Lucy likes him, serves him right for stealing my girlfriends, all those times.

* * *

Ly,

Will you go out with me?

You are so much better than Lorcan, blah de blah blah.

Lily.

P.S. Lucy's crazy...you do know that right?

* * *

What the fuck, lily?

When I asked you out in 2nd year. You mentioned something about rather eating your own hand.  
This would seriously interfere with my project. So I'm going to say know.

Oh and 'blah de blah blah' isn't a compliment.

Ly.

P.S. Yes. It's okay though, I think 'finite incantateum' covers most of what she can do to him.

* * *

Ly,

Okay, that may have been a little extreme. But this will help with your 'dating molly' project. Girls want what they don't have. You don't need your ego inflating you'll end up like your brother.

Lily.

P.S. I'm think a restraining order would help more.

* * *

Lily,

Fine, I'll go out with you then, but I reserve the right, to dump you whenever necessary. If this doesn't help me get Molly, then I'll eat your hand.

My bro, isn't all bad, *sees him talking to a mirror*, well he's a work in progress.

See you at dinner,  
Lysander.

* * *

Lysander,

That was the optimistic response I was hoping for. Sit with me at dinner...

Lily

* * *

Dear Lysander,

I heard that you were dating my cousin, I just wanted to say that you are both lovely people and I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Regards,

Molly

* * *

Mol,

We're best friends, right? Meet me by the statue of Higgis the Hyperbolic at 8pm.

Yours,

Ly

* * *

Joshua,

I just got an alert from the new recruit that minion 5 suggested alerting to the presence of Lysander Scamander rather than Lorcan. Now the alert did turn up some results, but if she can't tell the difference between the brothers she definitely has to go.

Lucy Weasley.

* * *

Lucy,

I'll handle it.

Joshua.

* * *

Molly Weasley,

For the love of all that's good and awesome, tell me I did not see you snogging Lysander against the wall next to the ugliest statue known to man - if that isn't a turn off, I don't know what is.

Lucy Weasley.

* * *

Luce,

It's not like that, well it is you aren't hallucinating, but Lily knows...well I don't know if she knows that exactly. Basically, all is not as it seems and I've no idea how this is going to turn out, so can we please just talk about something else.

Molly.

P.S. Don't tell anyone.

* * *

Molly,

If I'm keeping the secret that you are Lysander's other woman, then can you talk to Lorcan about me, I follow him around all the time and he still hasn't noticed I exist.

Lucy.

* * *

Luce,

Have you tried not stalking him, he is four years older than you, so I don't think he's going to turn around and fall in love with you. Maybe date a guy your own age?

Thanks, for not telling anyone. Though I know it was you who sent that tripping jinx when Lily and Ly were holding hands the other day.

Molly.

* * *

Molly,

I've tried, but we are meant to be, he just doesn't know it yet.

I'm not admitting to it, but I think that if you like him and he likes you, you should be together, Lily can have someone else - though not Lorcan, he's mine.

Lucy.

* * *

Ly-Bro,

Can you tell Molly, to tell her little sister, laura or whatever her name is, to leave me alone,?

Oh, and to go to her classes, I think she just spends all her time waiting for me to come out of places, my lessons..my dorm..bathrooms...

It's disconcerting.

Lor-Bro

* * *

Lucy,

I just got a note from Lorcan (through Lysander) and I definitely think he isn't interested. If you don't want to date someone your own age, have you tried stalking someone your own age?

Also, have you stopped going to lessons because of your stalking 'duties'? If so thats not good, we are here to get an education, and if you don't mum and dad will be really annoyed.

Your concerned sis,

Molly.

* * *

**~MoM The Ministry of Magic MoM~**

_Lucy Weasley_

_Dorm F_

_Gryffindor Tower_

_Hogwarts_

_Scotland_

Dear Lucy,

Although this letter arrives separate from the morning post allow me to reassure any of your concerns both your mother and I are perfectly well. I hope you too are well, although I fear you are not. That is in fact the reason I am writing to you, my secretary delivered a letter to me from your headmistress. Lucy are you aware your grades are slipping?

Don't worry I haven't told your Mother, there's no need for her to find out, I'm sure we can get this sorted. You're a very bright girl.

Is it a teacher? I had teachers I didn't connect with and they handed me back homework once or twice with a lower grade than I expected. If that's the case we can work on that maybe you're trying too hard.

Now if you're struggling with your subjects help is at hand, I remember a thing or two, I'd be happy to help with Transfiguration that was my best subject. I understand it may be tough to work with someone you know so closely so feel fee to decline. In terms of your other subjects I have a whole office full of people who spend a lot of their time milling about chatting apparently doing nothing so I've asked one of them to dig out some of their qualifications I'll set up a quick test and soon find out who remembers their Charms NEWT. I'll have tutors set up in no time.

Of course, if that doesn't suit either, I am on the board of governors at Hogwarts I can always make up an excuse to take the test results from a range of students, and then suggest some of your peers that you could approach if need be. I can even arrange the study group if you are too shy to ask.

If there's anything else I can do to help, just let me know, I'm always just a letter away.

Lots of Love

Your Father,

Percy I. Weasley

Chief Mugwump of the Wizengamot

First Order of Merlin

International Confederation of Wizardy

Honorary Member of the Sorcerous Pragmatic Society

* * *

Lucy-Honey,

Today I got a letter from the school saying you've been doing poorly in your schoolwork. Don't worry your dad was at work, so he doesn't know, and i won't tell him. I found it tough when I was your age as well but if there's anything else you want to talk about maybe friends or boys? You can always talk to me or your sister, you got on so well when you were little.

I love you very much.

Mum

xxxx

P.s. I thought you might need a little pick me up so I made you some brownies.

* * *

Teddy,

You are my teacher and an adult behave like one, and stop groping me in hallways, one of these days we'll get caught. My family already think I'm acting weird, so I asked Lysander out.

Love you,  
Lily

* * *

Lily,

Thanks for explaining to me that he's your decoy, I nearly had a heart attack. Sorry for the public displays of affection, i have difficulty controlling myself when you are around.

Can I ask why you chose him? Should my hair be blonde tomorrow?

Love you more,  
Teddy.

* * *

Handsome,

He's part of my grand plan, well, it's not that grand I've been "observing" and I think Lysander may like Molly, but she's too shy to notice him as anything more than a friend. So I'm going to force them together.

Try the blonde hair, I'll see what I think.

Lily.

* * *

Sexy,

What do you think of the blonde?

Teddy.

* * *

Lily,

I'm guessing you liked the blonde hair - hope you got back to your dorm okay? I really wouldn't have minded walking you.

Love you beautiful,  
Teddy.

* * *

Dear Professor Sexy,

I particularly liked your lecture today on how werewolves live anonymously in our society, I did think you failed to mention how some werewolves enjoy tackling sixth year redheads behind the pumpkin patch and their tendency to give love bites in the most awkward places.

With Love,

A concerned Student.

* * *

Dear Lily,

I think we should discuss this matter further meet me at the cabbage patch after dinner.

Your Professor.

* * *

Hey Sexy,

I can't stop thinking about last night, I have a ton of homework to mark and I keep giving them Os even when they are terrible maybe you could come and help me? Plus I'd like to talk because Oh Fucking Merlin What am I going to do when your father finds out that I took his little girl's virginity in a cauliflower patch.

Teddy

* * *

Teddy-darling,

Cauliflower, deflower, Lily, I'm sure there's a limerick in there somewhere.

Lily

P.S. What's done is done, so want to do it again?

* * *

Lily,

Oh no, I'm not risking your Father finding out we're having sex more than once.

Now come meet me I want to snuggle.

Teddy.

* * *

Teddy,

Daddy won't find out, and you think he'll be any more pleased that you use my breasts as pillows than everything else you do to my body.

Lily.

* * *

Lily,

Your father is Harry Potter he will find out and I'm trying to violate you as little as possible so he has as few reasons to kill me. Oh good you are here.

Ted

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin,

I would like to meet with you about creating and maintaining appropriate relationships between students and members of the faculty as with all relationships there is a line to be drawn and it appears that you have tapdanced across that line.

On a more personal note stay the hell away from my goddaughter.

Yours Sincerely

Professor Neville Longbottom

Headmaster of Hogwarts

Your Boss!

* * *

Lily,

Look what Neville just sent me, I know we're in love and nothing could stand in the way of that. But in the manliest way possible, I'm terrified. Protect me.

Teddy.

* * *

Teddy,

Deny all knowledge of it. You've never met me or cauliflowers.

Just kidding, chill sweetie. I'll sort it.

Lily

* * *

Lily

If you need any help with the body, ask Albus

Teddy

* * *

Dear Headmaster Longbottom,

I shall have to decline your kind invitation because I am currently hiding - I mean I don't know what you are talking about. I hope that you value me enough as a human being not to tell Uncle Harry about this, and instead let me (never tell him)

Thanks,

Teddy

* * *

Dear Professor Lupin,

I plan on joining the witch hunt and when we find you, we'll kill you.

Well that was the plan, but Lily came to see me. She told me that it isn't a completely secret relationship and that you are both in love and she looked so happy when she talked about you. I wasn't reassured. The truth of the matter is you aren't being open and honest with the one person who means the most to you and whilst you continue to lie to Harry, I'm afraid that this relationship is not good for either of you it won't end well Teddy and I worry of the damage it will do. You and Lily could make a wonderful team but not like this, never like this. I urge you to tell Harry and leave my staff immediately.

Professor Longbottom.


	8. The ruse is over

**A/N: Thanks to those who review we really love you, and to those who show their silent appreciation by following and favouriting too. But seriously HIMRM and Jennyellen we love you. Read and Review. **

* * *

Hi Molly,

Just had a chat to Hugo, he was very interested to see you on the map, with your dot merged with my boyfriend's dot, well the person who everyone thinks is my boyfriend. Then Hugo fixed me with a look, you know his look and asked how Teddy was.

Could you and Lysander maybe try and keep things you know...discreet? So not to disclose my pretense of a relationship with him?

Just kidding, I hear things are going great. Chat later about our men?

Lily

* * *

Hi Lysander,

So you know how you are my fake boyfriend and everything? Well it's super awkward for me when you suddenly declare that you love Molly Weasley in front of the whole school, well at least all our friends. I mean I get it I love Molly Weasley too, she's a great girl, but technically the whole of the school thinks you're dating her cousin namely me. So if you didn't ruin our sham of a relationship I'd be really grateful. Or at least break up with me first?

Your girlfriend

Lily

* * *

Lily,

Did you go into my room and steal the map? If you are looking for more vegetable patches to have sex in, you could have just asked. Please return the map to me and stop invading my privacy.

Hugo

* * *

Hugo,

I needed the map, why do you need it anyway?

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I keep the map so I can hand it out to whomever needs when they really need it. Also, so we know where it is in case of emergency.

Hugo

* * *

Hugo,

Fine, I'll give it back,

Lily.

* * *

Hey Hugo,

What's up?

Last Night I went down to the kitchens to get a midnight snack, Albus leant me the map after you gave it to him. The elves are really helpful, and they made me Italian food (don't tell my Mama!).

It feels like ages since I talked to you, write back.

Love,

Louis

* * *

Lou,

You're a 4th year and only just discovering the kitchens? For a Ravenclaw, you're not so smart. Don't worry I won't say anything to your Mum.

Everything's fine with me thanks Lou, what about you?

Hugo.

P.s. Can I have the map back?

* * *

Huey,

I'm fine, can we stop skirting around the point? I saw you on the map.

Do you want to talk about it?

Lou

P.s. Yes, if you talk to me

* * *

Louis...

I have nothing to say

Hugo.

* * *

Huey,

Of course you do.

Lou-bear

Huey

Talk to me

Lou

* * *

Hugo,

You looked upset today, I feel it.

(The Empath)

Louis.

* * *

Huey,

I'm so glad we're finally talking.

I enclose the map. Tell me how it goes tonight.

Your favourite cousin,

Louis

* * *

Lucy,

How're you doing? I heard about the thing with Lorcan. Have you ever considered that he might not be the one for you? There might be someone even more suited to you out there right now, stalking somebody.

Your cousin,

Victoire.

* * *

Dear Leigh,

As your future sister-in-law, I don't know if you and James have discussed that, but Mum super wants you to get married. She keeps chatting about finally getting a daughter. What does she think I am?

Anyways, just wondering how the baby was? Also, if you wanted me to steal you anything from the kitchen at any time. I'm going there now with T- a friend.

Lily.

* * *

Dear Lily.

Maybe one day I'll be your sister-in-law, James is certainly hoping so.

Your mum knows you are a girl, is just there are so many guys in your family - she wants another one.

The baby is fine, and your cousin and future cousin-in-law a.k.a Fred and Holly have already given me more than enough food. So, no scaring the house elves into giving you food, unless you want some for yourself.

You didn't cross that last line out well enough, so who is this 'T' person?

Leigh.

* * *

Leigh.

He's no-one.

Glad the baby's okay.  
Lily.

* * *

Lily.

So, it's a he?

Tell me more, or I'll tell James you have someone.

Leigh

* * *

Leigh.

Okay. Please don't tell James or anyone else, there is a 'he'. Molly knows and she can tell you how bad it will be if anyone finds out. I'm talking about heads exploding, Dad arresting people - including me and several dead bodies.

Lily.

* * *

Lily,

I spoke to Molly, and she looked really nervous and said that it was nothing for me to be worried about. So now I am worried, can you meet me in the library?

Leigh.

* * *

-Far east corner of the library-

Leigh,

I don't want to say it aloud, because you don't know what these walls can hear.

Also, you have to promise not to tell anyone, swear on your life...

Lily.

_Lily,_

_I swear, just tell me, I'm really worried... Do you want to be in this relationship?_

_No one should force you into anything you don't one to do._

_Leigh._

Leigh,

Thanks for promising. You don't have to worry, it's a great relationship, just very secret and not allowed.

Lily.

_Lil,_

_Okaaaay... So tell me._

_Lei,_

I can't. Lil.

_Lil,_

_Why? Because Teddy just walked in? Does he know? Can I ask him?_

_Leigh._

Leigh,

Can you talk? Can you write? You've gone a funny colour?

Is the baby okay? Are you okay?

Lily.

_Lily._

_It's Teddy, isn't it?_

_Leigh._

Leigh,

Yes.

Can you breathe yet?

Lily.

_Lil,_

_I don't know how to react. He's your teacher, he's Teddy. It's wro-_

Leigh, don't you dare say it is wrong. It's the furthest thing wrong that there's ever been.

-BREAK-

* * *

Dear Lily,

I understand that you are upset with me. I got the message once you set the note on fire, I don't think it was necessary to set my homework on fire as well.

I'm sorry, okay, I'm really sorry. However, I reserve the right as a human being, who lives in a free world, to have my own opinion.

Your relationship with Teddy, took me by surprise. I'm not as used to the idea as Molly is, but she has explained certain points of it in detail, when we have had the opportunity.

This has all been by notes and we have destroyed them afterwards, to keep it a secret.  
I still have a lot of questions, such as who else knows? How long have you been together? Are you going to tell your mum and dad? If so, when? And, could I be there?

I, as your maybe future sister-in-law, must warn you, that even though your parents may be understanding. I think your brothers will be very angry with Teddy, and I hope that you approach it in a manner which allows them both to act reasonably when they are told.

Best wishes,  
Leigh.

* * *

Molly,

Pumpkin, I love you, you do know that right? But I have no clue what is going on in your family. It's all upside down, this year everyone has suddenly decided to start acting weird around me. I'm writing this in History of Magic, beside me I have Albus who isn't plotting to kill people so that's his version of happy, which is strange. And Rose who ISN'T TAKING NOTES instead she's fidgeting about like she's got a slapped arse. I'm just asking as it seems that ever since James got Leigh pregnant the whole world has gone mad. Thank Merlin for Hugo, eh?

Lots of love

Your Snuggle Monster

* * *

L,

Don't ask me, I'm only related to Hugo the others I try to deny.  
Shouldn't you be taking notes?

Snuggles later?

Molly xx

* * *

Molly,

I had wondered if you are related to them, at least you have one good member in your family.

Mine - well Lorcan is a man-whore, Mum lives in a world of her own, and Dad inspects everyone like they are animals - He sometimes refers to me by my genus, instead of my name. I wouldn't be surprised if he had a file on me.

I am taking notes, but I much prefer writing to you.

Lots of snuggles later definitely... where do you want to meet?

L. X

* * *

James,

Due to your impending fatherhood-ness i've decided to replace you as my number one test subject your replacement is dun dun duhhhh Roxy! It's great she never says no, mainly because she can't speak.

Hope everything's good with you and the sprog!

Fred-meister

* * *

Fred,

You are a good friend, the scan went well thanks for asking, Muggle hospitals are weird though. I think we should have just disguised ourselves and gone to St Mungos instead of trusting a doctor. We've got loads of pictures and we've already given a dozen away.

I enclose a copy you can put it in your shop window unfortunately you can't tell anyone whose baby it is still.

James

* * *

Leigh (and Baby),

I've just thought of something how about we give everyone a picture of the baby scan for Christmas?

James

* * *

Jamie,

That would've been a really good and cheap idea for Christmas had I not just sent a load out. Why couldn't you have told me this when we were at the hospital. Now tell me what I should get for Hugo.

Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

Hugo's easy to buy for, he likes whatever you get him.

James

* * *

James,

That's because Hugo's super easy going, I want to get him something he wants, something he needs, not just something he'll be happy with.

Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

I asked Fred, he laughed and said to get Hugo a girlfriend.

James

* * *

James (and Fred),

Neither of you are any help.

Leigh

* * *

Hey Holly-meister,

My sexy unicorn, (A bit of beastiality to start off a letter).

I'm sex-napping you tonight, thank Merlin for that secret tunnel my dad built.

I hope Leigh is okay, I checked up on James the other day, and then we got drunk and ran at walls with colanders on our heads - not sure why, was quite drunk.

I've self-appointed us god-parents, just in case they wanted the kid to be normal - like that's going to happen.

Love your sexy beast,

Fred-meister

P.S. Underwear is optional

* * *

To my sexy beast,

I'll be by the tunnel entrance tonight at 8.

I think us being godparents is necessary, I'll pass on the info to Leigh-Mummy.

Love your sexy unicorn.

P.S. I don't own any underwear.

* * *

Leigh-mumma,

I'm rendezvousing with the boyf tonight.

Can I trust you not to have a mental collapse when you find another sock doesn't fit your cankles?

Just-a-kidding, you don't have cankles.

Loveya,

God-Holly

* * *

God-Holly, or otherwise known as future worse godparent in the world.

Use Protection.

My cankles are hot, James even said so.

Loveya also (though I think the pregnancy may be affecting my judgement)

Leigh.

* * *

Leigh-mum,

I'll be a great godmum.

I'm seriously questioning both your parenting abilities.

See you tomozzo,

Holly-Godmumma.

* * *

Dear Leigh,

The scan of the baby looks just perfect although the child does look a bit too rotund. You don't need to eat for two you just need a bit extra you do know that don't you?

Your great-grandmother

Augusta Longbottom I

* * *

James,

Our baby is fat.

Love Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

I don't understand, do we have to go to the hospital?

Love Jamie

* * *

James,

No, we just have to cry and eat chocolate.

Leigh

* * *

Lucy,

I'm concerned, you still haven't backed off Lorcan, he'll take out a magical restraint petition against you if you're not careful. Surely you want to hang out with your friends instead, do you even have friends?

Molly.

* * *

Molly,

Well, that's just rude. I have friends and only half of them have MRPs from Lorcan.

Lucy

* * *

Lucy,

Those people aren't friends they're the scouts you use to track where Lorcan is when you're in class. They're your minions.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

They are too friends because one weekend we didn't stalk Lorcan ha!  
Well, he was away with his family in Africa and we couldn't raise the money to go but still instead we had a picnic together. So we are friends and just because I'm the leader just means I have the best ways of stalking not that they are my minions.

Lucy

* * *

Lucy,

You have no idea how you sound do you?

Molly

* * *

Rose, Lily, Molly,

If you are going to play What Would Hugo Weasley Do? Can I at least join? Oh and Molly was right I would have never hexed those ducks in the last scenario.

Hugo

* * *

Huey,

No you can't play because you will always win. You may referee.

Love Lily

* * *

Lily,

You can't fire the referee after one game and you can't banish me to the other side of the common room.

Hugo

* * *

Hugo.

Yes I can, now stop sending paper aeroplanes at me. I can't enchant any, the spell is too hard, so I have to keep on convincing third years to run over to you with these notes.

Love Lily

* * *

Lily,

I can teach you the spell, of course I'd have to come sit near you again at least within shouting distance.

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

Ok fine, come over and teach me but if I can't do it within three tries, you are banished again.

Lily

* * *

Huey,

Yaay. I can do it! I've got a Hugo seeking plane. I've missed you, Huey, come sit next to me. I want to tell you something.

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I've realised I've just done a very terrible thing.

Hugo


	9. The arrival of Christmas

**A/N: Seeing as we are in British Summer Time, as soon as the clocks go forward it gets colder- we still have the heating on! We decided to write a Christmas chappy - well maybe two or three holiday chappys. :) Read and please review/favourite/follow - it makes up happy and update.**

* * *

Dear Joshua,

Thank you for your work today whilst I was in detention, I appreciate you going beyond your duties. If you could return your findings to me over the Holidays I would be very grateful. I include my home address.

Have a very merry Christmas

Lucy Weasley

Commitment For The Cause

* * *

Dear Lucy,

I will get my results to you as soon as possible, I am glad to say I have a few pictures you may be interested in. If you like we could meet up over the holidays, maybe discuss improvements to equipment?

Merry Christmas

Joshua

First Minion

* * *

Dear Joshua,

No thank you, I think improvements would be an unwanted expense at the current time.

Lucy Of the Lucy Weasley Observation Army

* * *

Audrey,

I have mine and Harry's as well as Hermione and Ron's RSVPs for the New Year Party in the Atrium of the Ministry. I think it's such a wonderful idea how did you and Percy come up with it? I'm so glad you are taking over these Ministry parties they were always so dull and that awful reception room. I thought I'd RSVP early and if you need any help just let me know, we'll be there to support you the whole night.

Love Ginny xx

* * *

Perce,

I am not coming to your lame Christmas party. I don't even know where the Ministry is any more, why would you hold it there anyway?

Charlie

* * *

Charlie,

Audrey would really appreciate it if you attended this party and it's at New Year not Christmas. I think she would also appreciate a traditional non-singed RSVP.

Percy

* * *

Dear Albus,

We were just wondering whether you'd like to come home for Christmas. Everyone is going to the Burrow, as it's Victoire and Dennis' first Christmas since they've moved back. The whole family is coming, even your Uncle Charlie.

Would you like to invite Belle? We would really like to meet her.

Love  
Mum and Dad

* * *

Mum, Dad, whoever else you'll show this too,

I don't really want to come. I mean you are wyrd, and so is everyone else in your family, and I actually want to keep Belle, so I'm going to pass.

Have a good time though. I've attached two chocolate frogs, they are your Christmas presents, so don't eat them just yet.

Your least favourite.  
Albus Severus Potter. (thought I'd add my full name, in case you forgot it.)

* * *

Al,

You've upset your mother.

Fix it.  
Harry James Potter. (thought I'd add my full name, in case you forgot it.)

* * *

Al,

You know we love you, and because we love you, you are coming home for Christmas - and bringing Belle.

You will act like a respectable human being, and actually speak to others, not just stare at them blankly and occasionally roll your eyes.

Or I'll send you a Howler.

Your mother.

P.S. I'm getting the baby photos out.

* * *

Mother, Harry,

I'm guessing you don't like your Christmas presents then?

You shouldn't have eaten them all at once.

ASP.

* * *

Albus,

I still want a Christmas present, even if you aren't coming for Christmas.

Lily.

* * *

Dear Belle,

I hope you are well. I promised my husband that I wouldn't write this, he thinks I'm being pushy, but he doesn't really understand how to parent.

We were just wondering whether you'd like to come to The Burrow this Christmas. Also, if you could bring Al.

We did write to Al, about this but we think he may have forgotten to invite you.

I realise that you may have made plans, and I appreciate that, but we'd really like to see him - to check if he's been eating his vegetables, is still human etc.

Merry Christmas,  
Ginny Potter.

* * *

Al,

Your mum just invited me to Christmas at yours? I thought you said you were staying here for the Hols? Why would you stay here, when you could be with your family? Did you not want me to come?

You're so confusing, I think it's because your face doesn't show emotion.

Belle.

* * *

Mum,

Thanks for ruining my relationship.

Al.

* * *

Al,

I'm sorry. I'll write to Belle. We just wanted you home.

Mum.

* * *

Mum

You've done enough damage - so is this how parenting works, if guilt tripping and blackmail fail, you get their respective others to dump them.

Al.

P.S. I'll guess I'll see you at Christmas then - I won't be happy.

* * *

Al,

Yes, you can't stop me from being happy, and if you're not happy then you'll just be yourself.

Mum.

* * *

Belle,

Ignore my mother. I don't want to go home for Christmas, they want me to. I'd rather stay here with you. But if you want to go you can, they'll just ask you loads of questions and perform psychiatric tests on you - if that's your idea of fun, then go ahead.

Al.

P.S. My face does show emotion, it's just always indifference.

* * *

Al,

I'm going and you are coming with me. I've already replied to your mother. Why doesn't your family know the real you? You are so sweet and kind.

Belle.

* * *

Belle,

Fine.

Excuse me, my head just caught on fire - I'm not really sweet or kind. I just pretend to be to get you into bed.

Albus.

* * *

Dear Mrs and Mr. Potter,

Thank-you for your kind invitation, we will be there. I've booked tickets on the Hogwarts is express, I can't apparate yet, and I can't trust Al to not apparate me to the wrong place.

He can be very convincing and I don't want to spend another night ever again in a broken down shed.

Merry Christmas,  
Belle

* * *

Albus

Well, you pretending works - so keep it up, y'know forever.

Belle.

P.S. We're going to Hogsmeade this weekend we have major Christmas shopping to do.

* * *

Albus,

Your father and I are looking forward to seeing you for Christmas - you and Belle will be in separate rooms.

Mum.

* * *

Belle,

My bed tonight - there's going to be two weeks of us, not together.

Al.

* * *

Al.

I thought you were a Slytherin.

Disappointed,  
Belle.

* * *

Bells,

That's why I'm with you.

Al.

* * *

Teddy

Are you coming back to the Burrow for Christmas? Lily and your brothers will be there. I know some teachers have to stay over Christmas but I'm sure Neville will let you have this Christmas off after all he's coming over as James and Leigh will want to be together.

Hope you are well,

Love

Ginny

* * *

Hi Ginny,

I'll be at the Burrow for Christmas. I wouldn't miss it.

Love Teddy.

* * *

Lily,

Can you check that Teddy's not depressed? In his last letter to me he didn't seem his usual excited self, he usually loves Christmas at the Burrow. I don't know what could be wrong, just keep a lookout I know a lot of wizards kill themselves around this time of year, I heard it on the wireless

Mum

* * *

Mum,

I checked, Teddy isn't going to kill himself.

Love Lily

* * *

Hannah,

I hope you are well. I was just writing to see what your plans were this Christmas I would love to see you and Neville and I'm sure Leigh and James will spend all their time together it'll be our only way to see them. How would you feel about coming to ours for dinner?

Ginny

* * *

Ginny,

That sounds lovely, but of course we always eat with Neville's grandmother and she has to eat early, well she demands to eat early.

Hannah

* * *

Hannah,

Bring her along, I'll tell my Mum we're eating earlier this year, it'll give us more time for drinking- don't tell the kids, they just think I'm happy to see them.

Love Ginny

* * *

Ginny,

That sounds wonderful, Neville and I will be there, we'll bring some booze,

Hannah

* * *

Hannah,

Gosh, it's like being back at Hogwarts isn't it? When every party was BYOB.

Ginny

* * *

Louis

My darling boy, we are going to your grandparents on the Thursday this year so I need you to be looking beautiful. I thought we could go shopping with your sisters but Dominique will not be home until Christmas Eve and Victoire well she is just not movable. I swear I did not get that big with any of you. So it will just be me and you out for shopping and lunch. Won't that be lovely?

Your Maman

* * *

Charlie,

Your Mother wants to know what time I'm picking you up from the Leaky Cauldron I informed her you could make your own way here, is that satisfactory?

Love Dad

* * *

Dad,

That's fine, that way I can have a couple of pints before I get attacked by teenaged munchkins.

Charlie

* * *

Charlie,

In that case I'll join you at the Leaky.

Dad

* * *

Ron, actually Hermione,

What time will you and the kids be arriving? I have had to move the rooms around a bit as I want Victoire on the ground floor extension. I don't want her walking up all those stairs, like she used to.

Love Molly.

* * *

Molly,

Is it ok if the kids arrive a couple of days before us, Ron has to work abroad on the 23rd and I said I'd stay at home for him as he gets in very late.

Hermione

* * *

Hermione,

I'd love to have them, they can help me decorate just like when they were little. In fact I'll write to Percy and see if he wants to send the girls over early. That way Audrey will have them out of the way for her party.

Molly

* * *

Audrey,

Rose and Hugo are coming a few days earlier by themselves to the Burrow and I was wondering if Molly and Lucy would like to join them? It would be nice to have the grandchildren together for the holidays and I know Rose and Hugo won't want to spend all their time with Arthur and I.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

That sounds lovely, I'll send Lucy over as soon as she gets back maybe you can cheer her up. I'll ask Molly II but I think there may be a new boy involved so we may not see much of her this holiday.

Audrey.

* * *

Audrey,

Oh to be young and in love, I remember those days. I'm going to put Lily in with Lucy once she arrives so let Lucy know.

Molly.

* * *

Fred!

When you pack for the holidays that means a different outfit for each day. I am not having you embarrass me this year again. Clothes are not reversible unless they are actually reversible, and even if they are they still have to be washed once they've been worn. Also where is your sister?

Love Mum

* * *

Mum,

If you can't see that it's dirty, how do you know? Oh I've had Roxy since September. I've been practicing for when Leigh drops it.

Fred

* * *

Fred,

Because you smell Fred, I have no idea why that girl continues to date you. The shop has been busy I can't keep track of all my children.

Mum

* * *

Mum,

You have two children, 2!

Fred.

* * *

Fred,

Yes and you can blame your father for that.

Mum

* * *

Bill,

I've told your Mother that you are arriving on Friday night, because I forgot when you were actually arriving. Can you please arrive on Friday?

Love Dad

* * *

Grandma and Grandpappy,

Bad news, I can't be there until late on Christmas Eve. My show in Lisbon has added three extra nights and I really can't get out of it. I'll bunk with whoever. So sorry, I'm was really looking forward to getting home.

Dom

* * *

Dom,

We're looking forward to having you, don't run into Santa Claus on your way in. We'll leave out some food for you too.

Grandma

* * *

Angelina,

We'd really appreciate it if George didn't bring any fireworks to test out this year. Not after Ron just finished the remodel on the new kitchen.

Molly

* * *

Molly,

Of course. I'm really sorry about last year. I promise any fireworks we bring we will keep outside and they will already have been tested.

Angelina

* * *

Hi Mum,

We're gonna be a bit late, Harry's not home from work yet. Neville and Hannah should be arriving there soon. Sorry.

Ginny

* * *

Ginny,

Absolutely fine, come over when you are ready, I'll get the Longbottoms settled in. You worry too much.

Mum

* * *

Dear Everyone,

I'm sending the presents ahead of me in case I don't get there in time, this is absolutely NOT an excuse to open them. I'm looking at you Fred, and you James.

Love Dom

* * *

Auds,

I just had to pop in to work..just to check on things that aren't even my job.

I'm hoping that I'll be back before you wake but just in case I'm not I enclose your first present I know you love anything that sparkles and you deserve the best. I love you and I'm so happy that I get to spend my life with you.

Happy Christmas

Percy

* * *

Dear Albert,

Do you know where my beloved is?

Merry Christmas tidings

Yours,

James

* * *

James,

My name is not Albert.

Are you drunk?

Al.

* * *

My good man!

Of course your name is Albert, don't trifle with these matters old fellow. Now you mention it, I may have had one or two extra glasses of punch.

Your brother,

James

* * *

Twatface,

I think your 'beloved' went to bed, now stop writing me letters you're two feet away from me.

Albus Severus Potter.

* * *

Albert,

Well, if you insist. I won't reply, especially seeing as you called me such hideous names.

James Sirius Potter.

* * *

Alby,

Come see me tonight I've saved your real present for your eyes only.

Belle


	10. What Did Hugo Weasley Do?

**A/N:Oh Hugo how we love you. Enjoy.**

* * *

Hugo,

I just heard, is it true?

Teddy

* * *

Hugo,

I just heard and I don't believe it tell me it's not true. I don't mind but...

You didn't, did you?

Victoire

xxxxxx

* * *

Hugo

Ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha Lol

That's excellent mate.

How I would've loved to seen Uncle Ron's face,

James

* * *

Hugo,

Well, well, well, welcome to the club cuz.

Domi

* * *

Huey,

Who'd have thought. I remember when we used to compare you to Grandpa, all silent and wise like a cactus (a very handsome cactus, obviously). Look at you now, Huey-ewey, you're like a more surprising cactus.

I'm slightly drunk.

Lou.

* * *

Hugo,

Dad just got home, tell me, what really happened...!

Love

Molly and Ly!

P.s. Ly, doesn't approve of the excessive use of !

* * *

Hugo-da-boss,

Banned from something at last! You are banned right? that's what you were going for? I'll write to James and we'll rescue you! Then you can tell us how you did it but not everything. No thanks mate, not sure I want to know everything.

Ku-dos.

Fred-meister

* * *

Hugo,

Dad just came home and he won't say what happened!

Tell me everything! I don't have a life and thus need to live vicariously through you.

love Lucy

* * *

Hugo,

Everyone else is writing letters to you so I thought I would to... how's your food supply? Knock on the wall when you need anything.

Love

Rosie

* * *

Hugo,

Belle wants to know if it's true. I already know that it's true but what about that-person-we don't-talk-of? are we allowed to mention the name yet? Have you talked to your Mum?

I'm always here to talk.

The best cousin in the world;

Al

* * *

Hugo,

OMG You didn't!

L. L. L-P.

* * *

Dammit Percival!

Why didn't I come to your lame New Year Party?

Charlie

* * *

Dear Hugo,

I hope your parents aren't treating you too badly, but honestly you could've just come and visited me. You're my godson, I would've loved to have caught up. Instead you ran off with the foreign diplomat I was meant to be entertaining over Christmas. Oh well, I hope you had fun at least. He didn't happen to mention anything about backing my vote at the next summit did he? I suppose you were concerned with, ahem, other matters ;) If you need to be granted asylum, I probably can't help, but I could try, gather evidence on wrongful imprisonment!

Merry Christmas,

Kingsley.

P.s. This was me trying to be a bad influence, I've heard that's the custom for godfather's nowadays.

P.p.s. You're banned from the ministry, not that you mind, I think you've seduced your way into the history books

* * *

Hi Hugo,

How is self imposed exile? If you want I can pretend to go into labour and call your Mum away. I don't know how I'd convince your Dad to come to the hospital. If you need anything just write back, Dennis is waiting on me hand and foot and he needs something to do before the baby is born.

Your loving cousin

Victoire xxxx

* * *

Vic,

I would quite like to escape but I can't expect you to do that. If you want you can pretend to go into labour as a test run for how prepared Dennis is but that seems a Lily-like thing to do and quite mean to him. Just remember this baby is as much as an upheaval for him as it is for you and he just wants to help you so that he can acclimatise himself to the new change that's coming into his life. Plus he's probably bored.

Hugo

* * *

Huey,

I asked Dennis whether he was being upheaved. He said yes and that he had to rely on me for when the upheaval might happen and I was very unpredictable and that this was all very stressful for him. He also said that the amount of preparation you can do for having a baby is ridiculously minuscule to the amount you have to do once you've had the child, so we're already over-prepared, and apparently we're going to view private nurseries in August. You are so good at giving advice, I think we should have guessed about you earlier, Hugo.

Vic. Xxx

* * *

Rose,

Hi Leigh here! Tell us what's going on! Hugo won't write back to us. I blame James.

_It's not my fault._

It is James' fault he's a lousy brother.

Whereas I am an awesome brother as is Teddy.

Well Teddy's not technically my brother-

_Don't be mean Lily!_

I wasn't I love Teddy.

LOLLL, sorry Rose you didn't see Teddy just fell off his chair anyway me and Holly will write this letter now, so how are things at Casa de la Hugo et Rosa? Write to us with all the gossip! What are Auntie Hermione and Uncle Ron saying to Hugo?

Leigh, Holly, _James_, Fred, Albus, Belle, Lily, Teds xxxx oh and Roxie

* * *

L/H/J/F/A/B/L/T oh and Roxie

The stats

Hugo why didn't you tell us this before- 21 times

You can talk to us you know-28 times

Why don't you come downstairs/out of your room-17 times

Ron why don't you talk to him\(again)- 3 times all with hilarious effects

Times I've had to reconfigure the What Would Hugo Weasley Do Game- 16!

Awkward Silence-14 hours 6 minutes and 8 seconds

Hugo has been a legend, Dad has been... Dad, he's run his hands through his hair so many times it is now impossible for him to attempt a comb over. Hugo finally came out (haha) of his room and told them he didn't have a disease and he wasn't dying. When Mum asked if he was worried about anything Hugo told her 'Yes, I didn't get the guy's number'. I think Mum actually thought about tracking the dude down just for something to do.

The Daily Prophet owled for a statement, Mum wouldn't let me send them my response on the best places to have sex in the ministry not even after I asked Kingsley for some advice- he ruled out some of the bathrooms, disturbingly. Dad went to work and tried to be supportive by telling everyone Hugo was gay in the same voice you would if he'd been voted Minister of Magic, Mum sent him to the garage when he came home to think about what he'd done and then made him go and talk to Hugo. Hugo responded with this line; 'Some say homosexuality in wizards is actually genetic, it's normal for anyone with bi-curious tendencies to react the way you did.' So Mum had to calm Dad down and tell him that Hugo was upset and just playing a joke on him.

Mum actually tried to get Dad to speak to Hugo again today 'man to man' honestly she could have said 'father to son' I was listening through the wall you should've seen Dad bolt when Hugo said 'Actually I have been wondering about gay sex.' Hugo got sent to his room for that one and Dad had to have a lay down.

I've had to sneak Hugo some food once or twice but I've always tried to make it phallic in shape just to keep his spirits up.

Love Rose xxx

* * *

Rose,

That is hilarious keep us updated as much as you can. Leigh has been laughing so much she had to pee ten times as much as she usually does so we've left her on the loo. Holly's squealing with laughter she cannot sit up.

James and Fred are trying to make the world's longest extendable ear so it can stretch to Surrey, we're not going to burst that bubble for them. I'm trying to be supportive although I'm being regaled with what a fuck up Hugo is, he's just the best one at hiding it. Albus is sitting here looking indifferent but that's his version of interested.

Love Belle

P.s. Sorry for the delay in sending this there was a mad chase to stop Roxie eating a firework

* * *

Belle,

Don't worry about Hugo, he's loving this. He does something like this every ten years so we don't forget about him. It's always something truly crazy, when he was 8 he broke into the Ministry of Magic, we still have the press cuttings we'll send them to you if you like. Where do you think the What Would Hugo Weasley game came from?

Rose xx

* * *

James, Albus, Lily and whoever else is there.

Oh god it was the funniest thing. Hugo came down for dinner and we were all making polite conversation and then he winked at me and said to Dad 'could you pass the sausages please, I really fancy one.' Dad just had an aneurysm. It was hilarious.

Love Rose

* * *

Dear Rose,

Hugo's created a shit storm here but we're loving it. All our parents are trying to find out are secrets we're trying to convince them Louis is gay too and we're trying to convince Hugo starting a gay cabaret act and that's why Uncle Ron's so annoyed. James trying to convince Aunt Ginny that Albus wanted a sex change and she got mad and sent him to his room. We don't think she believed him somehow, he's hiding out here with us as well now.

Love Molly (We are all at Fred's- helping Holly rearrange the furniture for when she moves in)

* * *

Molly,

Mum's going spare she just tried to talk to Hugo about men. The conversation started with 'Now we've got something in common' because really all those shared genes they had nothing in common otherwise? good one Mum. She just stormed in to my room to try and fix me, good thing she was busy ranting it gave Silas time to pull some clothes on and hide in my wardrobe. Too many closet jokes. Can't write. I may leave the room and not tell him when it's safe to come out. All in good fun.

Hugo just knocked on my wall, I'll go get him some food.

Rose xxxx

* * *

Hugo,

I bought these books in Muggle London yesterday, I didn't think you would appreciate me buying them in Flourish and Blotts. I don't know if they'll help, they are about coming to terms with your sexuality but you seem to have a handle on that already.

I wish you'd talk to me Hugo, I would have loved to tell you all this myself instead I had to slip these in your trunk when you weren't looking.

I love you.

Mum xx

* * *

Leigh and Holly,

Will you please control your men? Normally I wouldn't ask something so blatantly sexist but I'm sick of them constantly winking at me and making lewd gestures.

Thank you.

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

Of course we'll get them to stop Huey, but just out of interest what exactly was going on in that lift?

H&L

* * *

Holly, Leigh,

Oh not you too, I thought I could count on you to respect my privacy.

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo, honey,

There is nothing, and I mean nothing, private about getting it on in the lift at the New Year's Ministry Party. Holly protests this she thinks a lift is a fine place as long as no one opens the doors. Tough luck about that. I've got to say you went from innocent Hugo to sexy Hugo at the press of a button, literally. What a way to reinvent the phrase 'coming out of the closet'. So who was the dude anyway?

Leigh.

* * *

Leigh (& Holly)

I am not discussing this, please. Besides I've got moves you'll never see.

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

Holly just shouted really loudly 'Smooth, baby!'

Leigh.


	11. Proposing baby names

Chapter 11 - Of Naming Babies and Proposals

**A/N: Yay! I get to write an authors note, best be quick before Twin 2 comes back (she's probably off making a potion to stop Unicorns ruling the world - everyone knows they should) and makes me delete it, because 1. It doesn't make sense isn't relevant and 3. It mentions** **Unicorns way too often.**

**Anyway, please enjoy, and feel free to review/favourite/follow/dance like a Hippogriff. **

* * *

Leigh-Ly,

Why can't I choose a baby name? I thought of some great ones.

Very unhappy,

Jamie.

* * *

Jamie,

For many, many, oh so many reasons, primarily you will pick the most ridiculous name known to man. It will probably be something you and Fred invented.

*shudders*

During my potion induced post labour haze, where all manner of things could happen, I will somehow decide that the name you chose would be a good idea, and our child shall be saddled with a name that will haunt him/her for endless hours and many will bully him/her for it.

Do you really want that?

Love,

Leigh.

P.S. Because I love you and want to make you happy, you are allowed to tell me your suggestions although I will veto them all. I could use a laugh.

* * *

Leigh,

That's just mean, and personally I think Humphrey would love his name.

Love Jamie. X

* * *

Jamie,

Why have you decided he/she is a boy? It doesn't work by you just deciding what gender it will be. I really don't want to have the 'talk' with the man who got me pregnant...

Leigh.

Xxx

* * *

Leigh,

Glad we decided on Humphrey. Here's how I know it's a boy; I love the baby the most, more than anyone else ever (I even like him a bit more than you-because of that one time you punched me in the balls that really hurt). Plus didn't Dumbledore say love was the most powerful magic? (I may have paraphrased, and it may have been my dad or someone else).

So you see, I'm male and so is the baby give him a pat from me.

Love Jamie.

P.S. Hi Humphrey

* * *

Jamie,

We did not decide on Humphrey - Humphrey is not the baby's name. Repeat after me: 'Our baby is not called Humphrey'. You love the baby more than me? I love the baby more than you, then. I thought you might you me the same amount as the baby - but fine whatever. You deserve to be punched in the balls again.

I still don't think you can will gender on the baby, no matter how much you paraphrase love from others. I gave the baby a pat, and thinking if it comes out ugly (like you) I may switch our baby, for a pretty girl baby. HaHa.

Leigh.

P.S. Hi daddy! - that wasn't said by Humphrey

P.P.S. Have your other girlfriend have a baby called Humphrey

* * *

Leigh,

I repeated it out loud, and Lily asked if the baby was going to be called Humphrey so I told her he was.

I love you forever, don't you remember the song. If you want I can sing it to you again? I just love Humphrey as well. If you want I can try and not like him. Maybe he'll be like Al, that'll make it easier.

Don't punch me again, we may need those baby-making machines if you're baby-swapping plan doesn't work out.

Love Jamie.

Xxxx

P.S. Humphrey can talk? I like being called Daddy :)

P. P. S. What other girlfriend? Is this one of those 'in jokes' that I meant to get but don't?

* * *

Dear Leigh,

Congrats on deciding on a name, I know you and James had been droning on about it. Give humphrey a pat from me.

Your future sister,

Lily.

* * *

Dear Leigh,

I hope you and my little nephew are doing well. We've just learnt of the name you and your- well James chose, it's an interesting choice. Belle really likes it she says it has a 1960s class. James also seems very happy, therefore I, like any good Uncle (and future Godfather?) am thinking up cute nicknames.

Give my love to Humphrey and your Dad.

ASP and Belle.

* * *

Jamie,

Oh Merlin, let's hope our baby doesn't get your brains. Seeing as a half cabbage-half skrewt niffler has more brains than you.

I think it may be a good idea if you remind me why i love you, and seeing as I love it when you sing... Start now and I'll see if I can hear you from here.

I don't want you to not love the baby, but maybe you could pretend to love me as much...? Your brother isn't that bad...he's a bit standoffish and a bit of a sadist, but I'm sure deep down he's a lovely person. He is very smart - though not always in a good way...hmmm...well maybe we'll just have to supervise any baby/uncle time they have.

Stop putting sexual advances in your letters. Just kidding I love them. My baby swapping plan may not be necessary if it's a girl - which it will be.

Love Leigh. Xxx

P.S. Of course, The baby can talk - apart from the fact that he may not have vocal chords, or a mouth yet.

P.P.S. Never mind *rolls eyes*

* * *

Lily,

Do not listen to anything your brother says, no matter how much I love him. He is an idiot and will not be allowed any part in naming the baby, to avoid years of therapy.

I gave the baby a pat, he/she would like to see his/her Aunt Lily more...instead of you spending all your time with...he-who-must-not-be-mentioned-for-fear-of-le gal-and-social-ramifications.

Your future sister-in-law,

Leigh.

* * *

Dear ASP and Belle.

Thanks for your letter, we are doing fine, though one of us has decided to start moving a lot, when Mummy is trying to sleep.

Please ignore your brother entirely, anything he says immediately disregard it. The baby does not share a name with a 60 year old man - it does not in fact even have a gender, we want it to be a surprise.

No offense to 60y/o men named Humphrey - the name isn't that bad. I like the idea of cute nicknames (however funny it might be - no tyrant heroes), but you will have to fight Freddie for the position of Godfather.

Hope you and belle are both well.

Leigh

* * *

Dear Leigh,

I usually ignore James, I shall resume that practice immediately.

If you have decided on Fred for Godfather that's fine I won't fight him I'll just wait until he's nearly asleep and then...

_-He's kidding, I'm sure he won't poison Fred- love B_

I was just kidding.

We're both fine, Belle says the baby moving is a good thing, I don't know how she knows these things.

Love ASP and Belle

* * *

Dear Albus and Belle,

That is a wise idea, I think we should spread the message...

ALBUS! I will tell your mother or James, or Lily. Belle are you sure you can stop him poisoning people?

Women are a fountain of knowledge, it's not all accurate or true but it's there.

Love Leigh

* * *

Leigh,

Don't be silly there's no such thing as a half-cabbage half-skrewt niffler, is there? I'll ask Lorcan.

This is what I'm singing can you hear me?

_'If you leave me now you take away the biggest part of me_

_Ooooo-oooo-oooooooo-oooo-ooooh_

_Baby (and Humphrey) please don't go'._

You know my brother plots the ways I could possibly die. When he looks at me at breakfast I'm sure he's just thinking 'James could choke on that'. I think he wants to be Lily's favourite. As for leaving him alone with Humphrey. Never.

We can try for a girl another time or we could just alter the potion that Albus made Belle with.

Jamie.

P.S. well then how does he talk? Ask him see what he says?

* * *

Jamie,

You know for a fact there is, but feel free to talk to an expert. If he's with Molly, don't interrupt them. Leave them alone.

I love your singing! More and louder - just to make sure I don't leave you (don't worry - I won't).

I won't let him kill you, and neither will Belle, mainly because he is already Lily's favourite, you are not really that much competition - just kidding, I'm Lily's favourite.

Well, Belle seems like quite a nice creation, maybe she can babysit the baby, whilst Albus creates a baby girl for us. Y'know because I'm not going to become to your sexual advances, and...well...we could steal a baby.

Love you,

Leigh

P.S. I asked he/she is busy sorting out child poverty, and thinks we should stop arguing about his/her name, and just let he/she decide when it's born.

* * *

Dear Leigh,

My head hurts it went right through my wall. I was just standing by my window singing to you, then all of a sudden Albus, Belle, Mum, Dad, Lily and Teddy (didn't even know he was here) marched into my room and threw silencing spells at me. I went flying backwards into the picture of me and Fred dressed as hammocks.

Do you think they didn't like the song?

Jamie xxxx

* * *

Dear Leigh,

I'm almost sure, he nearly looks human when he talks to me.

Love.

Belle.

* * *

Rose,

You do know its not nice to leave your fiance in your closet whilst you talk about mentally scarring girl stuff with your mother?

Silas

* * *

Silas,

Oh my bad. You're my first fiance and I don't have all the etiquette down yet.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

I told you I wanted to come over and ask your Father for your hand in marriage if I come over again today will you resist the temptation of my body? You may have to avert your eyes I'm just that hot.

Silas

* * *

Silas,

Just leave me be. We both know this 'relationship' is going to crash and burn.

Rose

* * *

Rose

I doubt we'll be that lucky,

Is tonight ok?

Silas

* * *

Rose?

Why didn't you reply?

Silas

* * *

Rose?

Can I see you tonight?

Si

* * *

Rose,

I promise to not talk at all and just screw you.

Silas

* * *

Silas,

I'm not saying no, I'm simply suggesting you don't ask my parents permission. I don't think they'll be as adaptable to the concept.

Rose (I'm keeping my name)

* * *

Rose (like hell you are),

I guess this means you'll have to give in to me visiting you in the holidays.

What do you think of the Cotswolds? I was going to ask you but your tongue, oh Merlin, let's celebrate tonight!

Silas

* * *

Silas,

Celebrate what? The Cotswolds are fine, as long as you're apparating away from them, why? And yes you can ask permission this later this week, you'll probably be let in on some family secrets. They may outweigh the sex.

Rose

* * *

Rose,

You realise I've finally got you talking right? And all I had to do was fuck you into maybe marrying me. It's like we're dating.

Silas.

* * *

Silas,

We're not dating I just agreed to marry you that is all. Just because I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you does not mean I like you.

Rose

* * *

Harry,

A young hoodlum just appeared and apparently Rose is getting married. When did my children grow up?

Fancy a drink?

Ron

* * *

Ron

Sure I'll meet you at the Hog's head after I finish work. What's a hoodlum?

Harry

* * *

Harry.

A distasteful word for the fact my son-in-law-to-be is richer than me, who the fuck needs a house in the Cotswolds?

Ron.

* * *

**A/N: She still hasn't come back, so I'm going for broke or gold... I have nothing against the Cotswalds, just that they won't let me visit, following the Dragon Episode of '09**.


	12. Ooh, Baby!

Weasley Letters-Chapter 12-Oh Baby!

* * *

Patronus from Dennis-"Victoire is having the baby!" *Large thud*

* * *

Patronus from Victoire- "Come to St Mungo's. Dennis just fainted."

* * *

Patronus from Teddy to Dennis- "Dennis we're all on our way - stay as close to calm as you can, or we could just go for consciousness"

* * *

Dom,

Look who arrived! She's called Isolde Dominique Weasley-Creevey. I've enclosed a cauldron full of pictures, so you'll feel like you haven't missed a thing. She can't wait to meet her Godmother!

How's America? Did they offer you the job? Did you take it? Is that the only reason you are staying out there? ...go on tell me her name, you know you want to.

Also, did you hear about Teddy and Lily? I was in labour so I'm gathering as much information as I can and thinking of getting a group of actors to perform it for me.

All the best,

Your big sister Victoire

P.S. Isn't she adorable? I can't leave her alone, I've started saying things like 'Dennis, she has toes' - I have become one of those mothers!

* * *

Victoire, Dennis and Isolde,

Congratulations. I can't believe I left the day before she was born. I'll be back at the end of the month, and I expect constant updates!

Vic - no, I didn't hear anything about Teddy, fill me in. Just because I'm on another continent does not mean I get to be left out of the gossip.

I love it out here, they offered me a six year contract as their lead model, it's much easier than runway shows and I'm free to freelance, so I can represent brands as well. There may be someone, she may be called Cora, and she may be one of the organisers for the show I was doing, and she may live in LA. I really, really like her, Vic, and I want to give this a chance at being a relationship, so Cora did factor into my plan.

Love you all,

Dom

P.S. If I'm coming back, I may be tempted to bring her so you can meet her...

* * *

Teddy,

I thought we had enough drama this holiday, what with Hugo being Hugo and having his five-year stir up of the wizarding world. You just had to go and add to it, didn't you? And what's more, I was busy sleeping when you made the biggest declaration of your life and exposed your secret to the whole waiting room, which contained nearly our entire family, some friends, half a dozen hospital staff and that old couple who I'm not sure who they were, or what they were doing there but were probably undercover reports for the Daily Prophet.

Victoire.

P.S. Isolde is doing well, thank-you for the card and the teddy bear, its so cute that it changes colour, just like her Godfather.

* * *

Lily,

I've had garbled versions from everyone, Hugo's so pissed that he's not in the spotlight anymore he won't even gossip with me and tell me everything that is happening. So my main source of information has closed up. In your own detailed words, tell me what went down in that waiting room?

Love Victoire.

* * *

Vic,

I don't want to talk about it... I'm not allowed to talk about it... I don't exist.

Ted.

* * *

Teddy,

For Merlin's sake has anyone ever told you what a drama queen you are? I'm sure it's not that bad.

Vic.

* * *

Victoire,

Well, everyone else knows, so why shouldn't you? In my own detailed words:

Dennis came in, and announced it was a girl, there was a poll going it was a boy, so everyone was really surprised. He said that you were both well, and she was perfect, and everyone started hugging and kissing each other. Teddy slipped his hand into mine and we caught up in the moment. So I told him I loved him, and he kissed me. Then everyone went silent and when we stopped kissing, I swear it wasn't for that long.

Everyone was looking at us and at Dad, whose face was completely pale, he was unreadable, he looked like a bored Albus, thats how little emotion he said. He just tilted his head to the side and pulled out his wand. Teddy moved in front of me, it was really territorial, I half expected them to have a pissing contest. Dad just stared at Teddy and Teddy stared right back. Then I've no idea who hit who first but James, Al and Dad just lunged for Teddy. There was a lot of shouting and scuffling, and then everyone was pulling everyone off each other, I just stood there and looked at Mum, and she just looked away like I wasn't anything.

It died down a bit and Dennis said, 'who wants to see the baby?' Then everyone remembered why we were in a hospital waiting room, and went to see you, leaving Teddy, Dad and I. Dad says 'this will never be spoken about, it's a mistake, a terrible mistake'. Then tells Teddy to go to Hogwarts, take me to my dormitory and end 'it'. So we have no idea what that means, we just apparate back to Hogwarts - and the only person I've spoken to is you, Teddy of course, who's terrified, and Molly (and Ly).

What in Godrics name have we done? I didn't know what would happen but I didn't think it would be this.

Lily.

P.S. Hope Isolde is well, sorry I didn't get a chance to meet her.

* * *

Lily,

Oh I'm sorry that could've gone better. Isolde is a bit whiny at the moment and completely oblivious to the chaos she caused by being born. She would have like to have seen you I'm sure but you can come babysit her soon preferably when she's being difficult. I'm sure Uncle Harry will get over the shock soon, after all he loves you both and he wants you to be happy and he'll see that that means you have to be together.

Love Victoire xx

* * *

Teddy,

Talk to me, what happened?

I love you.

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I can't talk about it but we kind of have to break up.

Love Ted.

* * *

Teddy,

Don't be silly, now tell me what happened.

Lily

* * *

Hugo,

I have problems now so I'm going to have to ignore your melodrama for a while. You will not believe what my Dad did it goes past the realms of mental. So I cornered Teddy after lesson because he decided he wanted to break up with me, honestly the eejit, nobody dumps Lily Luna Potter and he eventually tells me what my Dad did. So I'm straddling him obviously and it has no effect he's just trembling and shaking he can barely get the words out and then he says that my Dad took him to Azkaban.

Of course I'm like 'don't be a numpty, Dad shut down Azkaban ages ago before I was born, there is no Azkaban.' Guess where Dad took him? A bloody rock in the middle of the North sea!

When I asked why? Teddy told me that apparently my Dad had wanted somewhere quiet to chat, yeah because twenty foot waves apparently are the perfect backdrop for that. I swear if you ever needed proof my Dad was mental here it is. So apparently Teddy spent an afternoon having a nervous breakdown on Azkaban and I still have no idea what my Dad did to him he wasn't making much sense. Teddy just kept on saying 'He's Harry freaking Potter, they'll never find my body'. Apparently the only way he got out of there was by crying and promising to break up with me. Teddy's also convinced that Dad read his mind and knows about the de-cauliflowering, I told him that was silly and not to make eye contact, I didn't remind him that he probably heard from Nevile.

Anyway, what should I do to calm down my boyfriend?

Love Lily xx

* * *

Dear Lily,

Thanks for reminding me that I don't matter always helpful to have your perspective on my life. Here's a suggestion; you could break up with Teddy thus ensuring he won't be killed by your father.

Your cousin,

Hugo.

* * *

Hugo,

I'm sorry I said your life didn't matter, you're very important to me blah, blah, blah...

Lily xxx

* * *

Lily,

Maybe your Dad is hurt that Teddy didn't come to him with something so essential to his life? Did you ever think of that? I'm sure Uncle Harry won't actually kill Teddy he does love him after all plus everyone would suspect it was him. Why don't you and Teddy write a letter to your parents telling them about your relationship like adults would? I think they would appreciate your honesty after all they hardly know anything about your relationship with Teddy.

Hugo

P.S. Otherwise I've heard that oral sex is particularly enjoyable. That was a joke Lily!

* * *

Hugo,

That would be the mature thing to do so I'm probably not going to do that, plus I doubt they'd want a letter saying I like Teddy blonde because it reminds me of the time he took me against a wall. I wish he'd just get over himself and be my boyfriend again, why is he so determined not to be?

Love Lily xx

P.s. I think it's a tremendous suggestion.

* * *

Teddy,

Okay, so it wasn't appropriate for me to break into your office and wait for you there, but did you at least like what I was wearing, or more accurately wasn't?

You aren't the only one who is having a tough time. I know this is a lot to deal with but I'm dealing with the same situation, it may help if you stopped thinking it over and over in your head and talk to me. My family has stopped talking to me, I've had no letters from anyone, how do you think that makes me feel? That I've thrown my life away on someone who won't even reply to my letters or talk to me.

Please Teddy, say something.

Yours, always yours,

Lily

* * *

Lily,

I have classes to teach... I don't have time right now, I'm focusing on being alive.

Teddy

P.S. I care about you, but space is probably best right now.

* * *

T,

Fine, I have other classes to go to. I'll talk to you when you are capable of thinking of someone other than yourself.

L

* * *

Lily,

Please could you come back to class I'm sorry for what I said. People are going to start to get suspicious if you aren't in lessons.

Remember how I feel about you and know that I'm doing this for your own good.

TRL. X

* * *

TRL.

NO.

LLP

* * *

Dear Lily,

Did you know the most effective way to extract the sap of the Loojimlim plant is to throw it against a wall? I was planning on harvesting some at twilight tonight as that is the most effective time, I was wondering if you would assist me. Maybe we could catch up?

Love The Godfather.

Uncle Neville

* * *

Dear Uncle Neville,

I'd love to throw smelly plants at windows. I shall meet you in greenhouse three tonight,

Love Lily xx

* * *

Lily,

This is the last letter I'm going to write to you like this. I want you to know that I love you - I will always love you, but in a world like this, where we both want different things, and sometimes when the world is against you love doesn't conquer all.

I have to let you have a chance at life, at growing up, having a career and happiness which if we weren't to work out we could lose everything. If we stop this now, we can put this down as a mistake. We can move on, it may not be what we planned but its for the best.

Come tomorrow, I will be Professor Lupin, and you will be Miss. Potter. It was wonderful being something more.

Teddy.

* * *

Teddy,

I don't want to be the one to stand up and fight for our relationship every time - I waited for you to give us a chance and come September you begged me to talk to you and to be with you. Now you are throwing away everything because you are scared.

Feel free to cast me aside, and forget about me. I don't want to regret our relationship, it was wonderful and I've learnt a great deal of things from you. There is only one thing I'll regret, that is falling in love with a coward.

Miss Potter.

P.S. Professor Longbottom knows about this.

* * *

Dear Uncle Neville,

Thank-you for last night and your advice. Teddy and I have decided to end our relationship.

Love,

Lily

* * *

**A/N: Ahh, we're evil (well Libby is, she writes Teddy and Lily)- what have we done...breaking up Teddy and Lily. **

**Tell us what you want to happen? **

**Should they get back together or just pine for each other? **

**Ooh I'm a evil puppeteer. **

**Remember to review, we'll create shrines in your honour, not creepily like Lucy.**


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